


Reclaim Me! Make Me Yours Again!

by DingleLovesSugdenAlways



Category: Aaron Dingle - Fandom, Emmerdale, robert sugden - Fandom, robron
Genre: M/M, Prison, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-10-03 06:13:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 38
Words: 27,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10237613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DingleLovesSugdenAlways/pseuds/DingleLovesSugdenAlways
Summary: This fic is set after Liv and Paddy's visit to the prison. Some original storyline elements exist but it is a much darker depiction of what happens to Aaron and his road to recovery with Robert that follows.Do not read this if you are triggered by any of the warnings. I hope you all enjoy my first attempt at a fanfic. Constructive comments welcome.





	1. Panic

Robert was getting increasingly worried about Aaron following Liv and Paddy’s prison visit. According to them Aaron had been in a fight and seemed very on edge. Why hadn’t Aaron told him? Wasn’t it just last week at visiting that his husband had promised him that he would tell him if something had happened. Robert paced up and down the back room, staring at his phone. 17:59. The phone call would be soon. 18:00 passed, 18:30 passed. Robert was beyond worried now. He knew the six o’clock phone call was everything to Aaron. After all it meant everything to him too. It was the only thing getting them both through each day apart. Something must be seriously wrong if Aaron had missed the call. Robert started to shake, he was helpless. He couldn’t do anything. Every thought he had got worse. His breathing became erratic, his chest tightening with every gasp. His Aaron wasn’t ok and neither was he.

 

Aaron paced the small length of his dark prison cell. He felt more agitated than ever before. He needed more Spice. He had been looking forward to his visit with Liv so much and he had completely ruined it. She wouldn’t want anything to do with him now. Why would any of them? He was a mess. He had destroyed everybody’s lives. Jason was right, he was dead inside. The beatings are what he deserved. The taunting things about his father were all that he deserved. His body was the property of everybody else, Gordon, Jason, Jason’s gang. He didn’t belong to himself anymore and he felt he could never be Robert’s anymore. The razor no longer had any affect. He was numb. He was dead.


	2. The Morning After...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning both Aaron and Robert are dealing with the after affects of their chosen coping mechanisms.

The pounding inside his head is what he felt first. The bottle of whisky had done its job the night before. It had rendered him unconscious, away from the million horrid thoughts running through his head about his husband. And then it all came rushing back. Why hadn’t Aaron called? The hangover making him feel even worse than the night before. He twisted around on the back room sofa, running his hand over his face. He had so much to do. Liv to school. The Mill. Scrapyard. Home James. Pub. Prison: Aaron. The appeal. He was pulled from his thoughts as the door to the back room opened. Charity and her less than careful presence disturbing his sanctuary. “Oh so you’re awake then? Was beginning to think I needed to call an ambulance for you but then I thought nah!”

“Well thanks Charity, your concern means so much to me,” Robert replied in a tired, sarcastic tone. “What time is it anyway?”

“10:30.”

Robert jumped up like he had been burned. “No, No I can’t have slept in I’ve got too much to do. Liv. Liv needs to be at school. I need to ring the lawyers. I need to get over to the Mill and the scrapyard and talk to Nicola. And Aaron! Aaron! I need to find out if he’s ok.” Robert was in a blind panic, his vision blurring. The pounding in his head getting worse. He didn’t know what he should do first. Charity came over and spoke in an unfamiliar tone for her. Concern and sympathy laced into her voice, “Robert, listen to me. It’s not that late in the day. Liv left with Noah for school this morning. Vic said that Adam and Ronnie were getting an early start at Mill. Nicola phoned to let you know the meeting had been postponed. So calm down yeh. You’re a Dingle now. We don’t act like this. We get stuff sorted. So go get a shower, coz you stink yeh and then ring the bloodsucking lawyer see where they are at with the appeal and then go from there.” Robert felt himself start to calm down a little as everything Charity had told him started to compute. He gave her a weak smile and stumbled back through the door for the shower.

 

Banging. Shouting. The usual noises that awoke him in the morning felt much louder today. The effects of his drugs worn off through the night. They had done their job; they had put him to sleep but now he was shaking. He needed more. Ethan looked at him and said, “mate you’re smoking too much, you’re going through it too fast. Jason will ask more of you if you keep up like this. Is that what you want? You have no chance of an appeal if you get into trouble.” Aaron laughed a disturbing sound leaving his mouth. “Like he can take much more from me. I’m the gay son of a paedophile, I’m the only target they see. As far as they are concerned I deserve what they give me. Maybe it’s all I’m meant for in this life. Why shouldn’t they use me, even my own father…” Aaron suddenly stopped realising what he was about to say. Ethan stared at him. Ethan liked Aaron. He knew Aaron was a sound lad. He didn’t agree with the treatment Aaron got but he had to put on the act to protect himself. Ethan knew Aaron had taken some beatings he had seen the bruises. He thought a bit of Spice would help his pain but it was escalating and he was beginning to understand why. He had heard whisperings of Jason and his gang. He knew they had beaten Aaron in Livesy’s cell and would take him there often just to torture him. But had it been more? Ethan looked at Aaron, and he could see it behind his eyes. He felt sick for him. With Jason’s hatred for gays he never thought he would go that far. Aaron, seeing what Ethan was thinking spoke, “power, not sex”. Then rolled over, turning his back to Ethan tears in his eyes. Ethan knew, Aaron needed to get out of here and soon before he left just like his old man.


	3. Looking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very Short chapter just to link the story.

Charity was right he felt better after the shower. The pounding in his head fading. He picked up his phone from the bedside table as he sat on the side of their bed. He stared at his lock screen picture of him and Aaron in their horrid Christmas jumpers. He smiled at the thought of when they had disposed of their presents from Paddy and the events that took place afterwards. It was a happy time, a time which he would pay anything to get back. He unlocked his phone and rang the lawyer. A bit of positive news at last, something he couldn’t wait to share with Aaron. The lawyer had his case all prepared and would be having a hearing on behalf of Aaron in a week. The lawyer seemed certain he could get the sentence significantly reduced. He just had to hope the six o’clock phone call happened today.


	4. Looking Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron faces another bad day in prison. More violence comes his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Some awful things are done and said to Aaron in this chapter. Do not read if triggered.

Aaron had pulled himself from his bunk. Well the threat of a beating from the guard had anyway. Father Aidan had been to him again. He spoke some sense but God had never been there for him in his life and Aaron didn’t believe he could sort his life out now. He had to face another day in this hell and he could only do that once he had got some more stuff from Jason. He hobbled from his cell in search of him. He didn’t have to look very far. They were waiting for him. He could see it on their faces it was another one of _those_ days. He could fight but what would be the point? It would happen anyway. He saw the familiar cell of hell as the gang roughly dragged him down the corridor. Purposely smashing him against the walls as they went. They threw him to the floor inside THAT cell. Gordon’s cell. Jason waiting for him. He felt the first ‘welcoming’ kick to his ribs, they were definitely broken this time. Aaron could just see white light. A ringing in his ears. Another kick came from behind. Jason spitting the word ‘pathetic’ in his face. He heard some shuffling and the usual words of ‘give us some privacy lads, keep a look out’. Jason stayed as did numerous others, Aaron couldn’t tell how many this time.  He could feel a foot in the centre of his back pinning him down. His pants were no longer around his waist. A strong unfamiliar body surrounded him, a whisper in his ear. “Daddy said you liked it like this, come on princess show me how much you like it.” And then there was pain, just pain. It hurt. He couldn’t take it anymore and then there was just black.


	5. News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert's new found 'happiness' is short lived when he receives a phone call.

Robert had gathered his thoughts after his phone call. He went over to Mill to see what was happening. He couldn’t believe it, Adam and Ronnie were not alone. All the Dingles were busy at work, the place looked amazing. Zak came over and all he said as he put a hand on his shoulder was, “Charity called.” Robert knew the Dingle way of life. They always looked after their own and it seemed like he had become one of them. He felt proud to be Aaron’s husband, he felt proud to be a Dingle. This day was getting better. He left Mill in capable hands and headed to the scrapyard. He couldn’t have Aaron coming back to a home but no business.

As he walked to his car his phone started to buzz in his pocket. He fished it out looking at the number on the screen. All the happy feelings he had disappeared, his heart rate spiked as he realised the number was the prison. He answered the phone, “Robert Sugden-Dingle speaking.” He stood deathly still as he listened to the man on the other end. His hand shook as the call ended. Aaron. Husband. Hurt. Hospital. Urgent. Just some of the words he had picked out from the mumblings on the phone. He had to go. He had to get to Aaron. His husband needed him.


	6. Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert finds himself at the hospital talking to a doctor about Aaron. He is shocked when he learns about what has been happening to Aaron.

The man on the phone had said the local hospital in Hotten which meant whatever had happened must have been bad if they couldn’t treat Aaron in the prison hospital. Robert didn’t know how he had driven there, he can’t even remember starting the car. But he was at the reception desk waiting for the desk nurse to return. He was getting impatient and then a woman behind the desk appeared, “How can I help you?” Robert stumbled over his words, trying to get them out as quickly as possible,

“My, Myhusband Aaron Dingle-Sugden has been brought in from the prison, where is he? Is he ok? Can I see him?” The nurse held up a hand, a sympathetic look on her face. ‘Oh no it must be bad’ Robert thought. She typed something in on the computer and then directed Robert to a seat in the waiting area. “A doctor will be out to see you shortly.” Robert resigned to the blue, plastic seat tapping his knee up and down. An anxious response he had developed recently. A professional voice interrupted his thoughts. A tall man in blue scrubs stood before him. His face neutral, Robert couldn’t get a read on him. “Excuse me, are you here for Mr Dingle?” Robert nodded. “Please follow me.” Robert obeyed instantly, following like a lap dog but it wasn’t Aaron’s room they were going to it was the family room. Robert’s breathing became laboured; this was really bad. The doctor signalled him to take a seat. “Please where is my husband, what has happened to him? Please, please tell me he is ok!” he pleaded.

The doctor calmly answered, “Mr Dingle was brought in from the prison in quite a serious condition. He had been severely beaten and because it was on top of existing injuries, this particular incident caused a lot more damage.”

Robert interrupted, “Wait, existing injuries?”

“Yes, I’m afraid Mr Dingle has varying injuries that appear to have happened over some time. This particular time his ribs could not withstand the pressure and they broke. This caused a punctured lung which we have stabilised in surgery. He has a drainage system in place whist he heals.” Robert couldn’t get past what the doctor had said, existing injuries? How long had he been keeping this to himself? The doctor continued, "Mr Dingle also sustained a head injury which was what we initially thought were causing his convulsions. However, following a scan that came back clear, we ran a tox screen. Mr Dingle was going through withdrawals from a substance known as Spice. We have given him a drug to counteract the after effects and sedated him to help him to heal.” Robert couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Beatings. Drugs. No he would have noticed. What kind of husband was he that he didn’t realise Aaron was going through hell? He looked at the doctor and was about to ask to see him when he realised there was something else. His heart stopped. What else could his poor, kind and beautiful husband have been through? It wasn’t fair. “Mr Sugden.”

“Mr Sugden-Dingle.” Robert corrected.

“Mr Sugden-Dingle, the sedation was also to help your husband’s state of mind. He was very agitated and reacted quite violently to any touch.” There was a pause. “I’m afraid we found evidence of recent sexual trauma.” Robert didn’t hear any more he was bent double over the bin being sick. He turned to the doctor.

“Take me to see my husband.”


	7. Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert gets to see Aaron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry another short chapter. There are longer ones to come.

They were stood outside a hospital room. Robert needed to see his husband, although he wasn’t entirely sure he was ready. He had to be though as the doctor opened the door. Robert’s eyes shot straight to the bed, ignoring the prison guard sitting in the corner. He took everything in. The bandage around Aaron’s head, the bruises and cuts across his face, the breathing mask, the drainage tube protruding from beneath the cover, the machines beeping steadily, the bruises and razor cuts littered across his husbands toned torso and arms. Aaron was a mess. The doctor spoke, but he was speaking to the guard confirming Robert was his husband. Robert ignored this and approached the bed, tears staining his face as he took hold of Aaron’s hand. He turned to the doctor before he left, “When will he wake up?” The doctor answered, “We want to give Mr Dingle’s body time to heal. We will start to reduce the sedation tomorrow. We have agreed with the prison guard that you can stay with your husband. He’s going to need you.” Robert turned back to stare at his husband. He knew this was true. Aaron was going to need more help than ever to get through this. Maybe even professional help. But for now Robert knew he would stay by his side and do everything in his power to try to make this better for him. He just didn’t know how he was going to do that.


	8. A Long Night

The night had passed by fairly uneventful. Nurses had been in and out checking Aaron’s stats and then there was the shift change for the guards. The only time Robert’s eyes had drifted from his husband’s face was to text Vic to update her with the briefest of explanations and to ask her to look after Liv. He had also asked both guards how this had happened and all he got was a shrug and the simple statement, ‘it’s prison’. This infuriated Robert but he kept calm because he needed to stay with Aaron. That was his priority right now, but the prison would not know what hit them once Aaron was safe at home. Robert was certain about that. He was getting tired but the adrenaline kept him going. He was thankful that Aaron was sedated, despite the bruises he looked really peaceful. A soft look on his face. He knew this would be short lived once he was brought around. He, knew they had a lot to face and it wouldn’t be easy. But they would get there, not easy but messed up forever they had said. Robert rested his head on Aaron’s bed, he needed some rest so he could be strong when morning came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry short again!


	9. Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron comes round from his sedation in a panic. Robert is on hand to help him.

Robert was nervous as the doctors had started to reduce Aaron’s sedation. Aaron would come back to this hell of physical and emotional pain and he didn’t want that for his husband. He did want to speak to him though, see his beautiful eyes and tell him how loved he is. Robert’s knee tapping had started again and then he felt it. A hand movement. His eyes shot to Aaron’s they weren’t open yet but his face had contorted into pain and fear. His instant reaction was to tighten his grip slightly on Aaron’s hand. The response was instant. Aaron’s hand had gone from his grip; his eyes were open searching rapidly around the room. Aaron was in pure panic and on the defence, he was going to cause himself more damage. Robert spoke softly, “Aaron, focus on me, listen to my voice. I’m here, your safe, you’re safe A. nobody is going to hurt you, I won’t let it. You’re safe.” He didn’t touch Aaron; he had learnt that from the many nights he comforted Aaron after his nightmares. Aaron’s eyes had calmed, they had settled on Robert, recognising his safe place. The guard was stood at the door but Robert’s attention was solely on Aaron, bringing him back to the present. It was working. Robert silently asked for permission to touch him and Aaron gave a slight nod. Robert held Aaron’s hand and waited but his Aaron wasn’t fully back with him. He turned his head away and closed his eyes. Robert recognised that look, shame. “Hey, Aaron, don’t hide from me, you don’t ever have to hide from me. I’m here for you Aaron I’m not going anywhere. Please, when you’re ready, talk to me. You don’t have to hide.” Aaron nodded but did not look at Robert. He needed to gather his thoughts and Robert understood. Aaron knew he was safe for now and he drifted back into unconsciousness.


	10. Unresponsive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron is awake but not really engaging or communicating to anyone and Robert is worried.

The doctors and nurses had been in to check on Aaron whilst he slept. They reassured Robert he was doing well. Robert was more concerned about his mental health. This concern was reaffirmed when Aaron awoke again in another blind panic. It did take Robert less time to calm him this time. Things escalated when the nurse came in and went to touch Aaron’s arm. Aaron violently recoiled from the touch and screamed “Get away from me”. Robert reassured Aaron he was safe, he wouldn’t let anybody hurt him. “Focus on me A, look at me, it will all be ok.” Aaron did focus on Robert’s face and words but his body remained very tense as the nurse tended to him. Once the nurse had left Aaron relaxed a little. Robert needed to get Aaron to talk but he needed to make Aaron feel in control. “Aaron, are you ready to talk to me?” Aaron shook his head not able to find his voice. Robert’s hopes dropped, this was going to be difficult. “Ok, well you know you can tell me anything, whenever you’re ready.” Aaron turned away. Robert bowed his head. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for ok. This is not your fault; you hear me?” Aaron just remained blank and unresponsive. Robert realised his husband was truly lost.

 

Aaron just kept staring at the window when two police officers entered the room. The guard became a little more alert as did Robert. Aaron however, remained deadly still. The police officer addressed Aaron but again he remained unresponsive, like he wasn’t even alive. “Mr Dingle, you sustained quite a brutal attack whilst in Hotten Prison, what can you tell us about that?” Robert looked back at Aaron. Nothing. The police officer spoke again. “Mr Dingle can you tell us who did this to you?” Again nothing not even a blink. “Mr Dingle, just because you are a prisoner, doesn’t mean you deserved this. We would very much like to punish the men who did this.” Nothing. So this time Robert spoke and said, “Could we possibly do this another time once my husband has had time to heal and gather his thoughts?” The officers sighed but nodded in agreement.

“Of course but the sooner we have the information the sooner we can act.” And with that they left the room. Robert saw the first reaction he had seen from Aaron in a while, a single tear rolled down his cheek onto his pillow. Robert’s heart broke that little bit more for his husband.


	11. Good News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert gets in touch with the lawyers who work their magic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies if not a realistic outcome, but lets face it we want Aaron out of prison and I thought these reasons were valid enough.

Whilst Aaron slept Robert took the chance to step out of his room to ring his lawyer. Aaron could not return to that prison. If he did Robert was sure he wouldn’t come out alive. He also knew he would never speak to the police or give any names if he thought he was going back there. Furthermore, how was he meant to get Aaron to open up and speak to him if he wasn’t somewhere he felt safe. The lawyer was working on the case of early release on tag in respect of the harsh sentence, the basic human right to be protected and to protect his body from harm, his psychological wellbeing taking into account his historic abuse and mental health issues. The lawyer had called an emergency hearing, which Robert knew would cost him, but he didn’t care he needed Aaron home. Safe. He had served enough. Robert returned to Aaron praying something would go their way. Aaron had a visit from a psychiatrist. Robert and the guard had had to leave the room which Robert understood but wasn’t happy about. The report from the psychiatrist must have contributed to the decision of the courts. It was deemed that Aaron be released on tag, as it was understood that prison would be of no benefit to Aaron and in fact be dangerous for him to return inside. The lawyer made it clear Aaron should not have been put in such danger by being sent to the same prison as his dad. The courts acknowledged that Aaron was failed by the system and as long as he followed the regulations and conditions of his release he would stay out of prison. One of the conditions would be to attend counselling sessions each week. It was a step in the right direction but Robert recognised it was a very small step in the grand scheme of things.

Robert waited for Aaron to wake up to tell him the news. The guard had said another officer with the tag would be arriving that day and then they would not need to have a constant guard presence once he was tagged. Aaron woke up in his usual panicked state. Robert again calmed him, god he couldn’t wait to get him to a safe place. “Aaron talk to me.” Aaron turned his head. “I can’t Robert, not when I have to go back there. I’ve got to face that hell again and if I speak out now I won’t be strong enough to survive it.” He nodded his head towards the guard acknowledging that opening up in front of him was not going to happen either. Robert placed his hand on Aaron’s. Aaron turned his head to Robert and looked him in the eye. “Aaron, you are not going back there, to prison, you are coming home with me. The courts ruled in your favour. You don’t have to go back there.” Aaron shook his head, tears forming in his eyes. “It’s true A, I would never lie to you.” Aaron broke down sobbing. Robert took a chance and held him to his chest, shushing him. Robert saw a small amount of compassion cross the guard’s face before he took up a post outside the door. Robert was grateful for the privacy. “Aaron a guard will be coming to put your tag on and then it’s just you and me.” Aaron just sobbed and sobbed as Robert held him.


	12. Alone at Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron has been tagged so he no longer needs to be guarded. Robert and Aaron are finally alone but will Aaron finally open up to Robert?

Aaron had literally cried himself out and Robert had stayed holding him. He hoped this show of emotion was progress. Aaron seemed embarrassed once he had stopped but Robert reassured him he shouldn’t be, ever, especially with his husband. The guard with the tag had been. Aaron had tensed again from their touch, Robert soothing him through it. The guard had reeled off the regulations of the tag -curfew time, distance, check ins and counselling. At the mention of this Aaron’s head shot to look at Robert. Robert smiled to reassure him. Aaron agreed to all the conditions and signed his release paper. The guard had also brought his belongings.

Aaron seemed a little more relaxed once the guards had left and the doctors had said he would be discharged the following day. For now, it was just Robert and Aaron together. Robert had kept Vic informed and had told her Aaron would be coming home but that he didn’t need all the attention right now. He hadn’t gone into detail, that wasn’t his place, but had said he had been beaten up. Vic said she would let the others know so that he wasn’t too overwhelmed when they returned home. Robert was grateful for his little sister.

 

Robert kept a close eye on Aaron and Aaron could feel his eyes on him. “Can you stop staring at me?” Robert was taken aback by the vehemence in his voice. “Sorry, but you’re making me feel fragile and exposed. I’m not ready to talk yet Robert. I need to be home. I need to feel safe and I just don’t here.”

“I know I’m sorry. I’m just scared that you’re staying quiet. Will you talk to me? When we get home I mean.”

Aaron sighed, “I want to talk to you Robert. I do. But I know you are going to leave me once you hear and I really don’t know if I’m going to be able to tell you all of it.”

“Aaron, listen to me you can talk to me. I promise I’m not going anywhere, no matter what you tell me. Do you understand?” Aaron looked unsure. “I promise to be faithful, to put you first. To make you happy. To keep trying to be better for you because you deserve it. I love you.”

Aaron looked at him, “You know.”

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is a long one, currently going through editing. Not sure if it will be up tonight although I want it to be. Definitely my favourite chapter to write so far. It's called 'Hometime and Showertime'.Fingers crossed I can get it to you asap.


	13. Home Time and Shower Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron is finally released from hospital and faces the fear of the outside world following his ordeal. When he finally gets home he needs Robert to make him feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the favourite chapter I've written so far and I'm so glad I got it to you all tonight. Last one for today! Hope you guys like it. It's a long one.

Robert could see something had shifted in Aaron after their little heart to heart. They had spoken about the Mill and Liv. They had both slept that night, Aaron only stirring a few times in the night. Robert on hand to comfort him. The morning came and Aaron had the all clear to go home. Robert updated the prison services to activate Aaron’s tag for home instead of the hospital. They were all set to go. They got to the front doors of the hospital and Aaron started to shake and recoil back into himself. Robert stood in front of him, “When you’re ready. You’re safe.” Aaron took a deep breath, took hold of Robert’s hand and left the hospital. They drove home in silence. Aaron just staring out of the window, in another world of thought the whole way home. The car pulled up outside the back of the Woolpack. Robert killed the engine. Aaron hadn’t seemed to notice, so Robert touched his arm. Aaron flinched then turned to Robert. “Sorry, just wasn’t expecting it.” Robert nodded “Come on let’s get inside.”

 

Both Aaron and Robert were grateful there was nobody there to welcome them home. Aaron didn’t want to go into the back room he wanted to go straight upstairs. Robert followed him up. Aaron’s eyes filled with tears at the sight of their bedroom. Robert stood behind him and whispered, “Tell me what you need Aaron.” Aaron entered the room a bit more then turned to his husband. “I need to feel clean Robert. I’m going to need some help but I’m scared.” His head dropped to look at the floor. Robert slowly took a step forwards and placed his fingers under Aaron’s chin to carefully lift his head. Once Aaron was looking at him Robert spoke to him, “Aaron, I’m your husband. You can trust me. I won’t do anything you feel uncomfortable with and if I do tell me. I won’t judge or get angry or hold it against you. Ok. I love you A and I want to help you. Will you let me?” Aaron nodded and gave him a small smile. “Right then let’s get a change of clothes.” Robert went to move but Aaron grabbed his arm. “Robert, you know don’t you?”

“In your own time A, in your own way.” And with that Robert continued to get clean clothes from their draws. “I will help you and then shower afterwards.”

“No. I can do this. We will shower together Robert; I don’t want to be apart from you.”

“You don’t have to prove anything Aaron. You’re pace remember.” Aaron looked worried like he didn’t know which one to do. So Robert pulled out two pairs of swimming shorts and held them up to Aaron. “Would you feel more comfortable if we both wear these?” Aaron looked at Robert with admiration. His husband understood that he was uncomfortable them both being fully naked together but also scared of being apart from him. Aaron took his shorts and headed to the bathroom. Robert gave him a minute to get into his shorts whilst he changed himself then carried their clean clothes through. He hesitated a moment then knocked on the door. Aaron told him to come in. They had both changed into their shorts but they were both still in their tops. Aaron had his arms wrapped around himself. Robert placed the clothes down and locked the bathroom door, careful not to startle Aaron. He needed to take this slowly if Aaron was to open up to him. “I can’t get my top off Rob, it hurts too much.” Aaron admits with a sob.

“Hey, hey I can help, I’m here to help. You ready? Arms up.” Robert lifted the hem of his shirt, careful not to make skin-to-skin contact. Aaron’s torso was a combination of yellow, green, red, black and blue. Robert could hardly see Aaron’s actual skin colour. More cuts had been added to his scarred body. Aaron turned around. It took all of Robert’s strength not to cry out when he saw the array of bruises on his back and a very clear definition of a footprint. Aaron stood like a statue. “I can keep my top on if you’d prefer?”

Aaron shook his head. “No, I’m ok I trust you, take it off. You need to shower too. You stink.” Robert was relieved Aaron was attempting humour. He removed his shirt and stepped to turn on the shower. He helped Aaron step in and then got in himself. Aaron had started to shake. “I need you to be in front of me Robert, I need to know it’s you.” Robert repositioned himself instantly so he was facing Aaron. Grateful Aaron was communicating. Aaron started to scrub at his skin furiously, needing to be clean. “I need to be clean Rob, make me yours again please, please make me yours again.” He pleaded as his head fell into Robert’s chest. Water running over them both. There was nothing sexual but just a reconnection under the warm waterfall of water. They were both silently crying.

Robert got the shower gel and lathered up his hands. He looked Aaron in the eyes and saw a silent acknowledgement. He placed his hands on Aaron’s shoulders, he tensed but Robert kept going he knew Aaron needed this. He rubbed the soap in down his arms, up and under his arms then carefully across the bruises and cuts across his chest and abdomen. Down his back. Then he let Aaron know he was going to bend down to do his legs. He stayed below the shorts not wanting to push. He stood back up then washed the soap from Aaron’s body. He grabbed the shampoo and rubbed it gently into Aaron's hair. Aaron started to relax knowing he was under a loving touch. Once Aaron was clean Robert quickly washed himself and was about to turn the shower off but before he could Aaron stopped him. Aaron poured some soap onto a sponge and handed it to Robert. Robert looked questioningly back at Aaron. In a very small and frightened voice Aaron said, “I need you to wash under the shorts Robert. I need you, my husband, to clean me.” Robert was worried. He wasn’t sure Aaron was ready for this but Aaron seemed determined like it was something he needed him to do. So Robert nodded his head and said, “If you need me to stop I will straight away.” And Aaron knew this to be true which was why he knew he could ask Rob to do this for him. Robert kept eye contact with Aaron as he pulled his waistband away from his skin and with the sponge in the other hand lowered it into Aaron’s shorts. Aaron was tense again. Holding his breath. Robert quickly ran the sponge around his husband’s intimate areas and round to the back, between his cheeks, but ensuring he was thorough so that Aaron felt as clean as possible. Robert pulled his hand and the sponge out and said, “All done. Are you ok?” Aaron wasn’t as tense but told Rob he wanted to get dressed now. So Robert turned off the shower and helped Aaron step out. He grabbed a towel and handed it to Aaron to dry himself and then held another one up in front of him to give his husband some privacy. Aaron didn’t contest it so Robert knew he had done the right thing. Once Aaron was dressed in his sweats and t-shirt Robert suggested he head to the bedroom and he would be right behind him once he was dry and dressed. Aaron left and Robert sagged against the sink giving himself a minute. He dressed quickly and returned to the bedroom to find Aaron curled under the duvet facing away from the door. “Come and hold me Rob. I’m so tired.” Robert closed their door and climbed onto the bed wrapping Aaron up into his chest. “Sleep baby, you’re safe. I will stay right here.”

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think then?


	14. Liv is Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whilst Aaron sleeps, Liv returns home from school wanting to see him. Victoria and Robert intercept her.

It didn’t take long for Aaron to fall asleep, gripping the front of Robert’s t-shirt tightly and unknowingly nuzzling his head further into his husband. Robert felt relief that he could be this for Aaron. Robert lay there for hours just resting his eyes, not falling asleep, listening to the deep, even breathing of his sleeping husband. The peace was suddenly broken. Arguing, angst in her voice. It must be gone four if Liv was home. Wow they had been lying here for hours Robert quickly thought. “No Vic, where are they I saw Robert’s car outside? They are back I have a right to see my brother.” Vic was obviously speaking in a low tone as Robert couldn’t hear her response. “No Vic I’m going to find them; they have some explaining to do.” Next he heard the tell-tale sign of Liv stomping her way up the stairs so he quickly but carefully untangled himself from Aaron to intercept his sister in law before she woke Aaron. Aaron curled into his pillow as Robert reached the door. Meeting Liv on the outside, there was anger, fear, frustration all etched onto her young face. A sight that made Robert’s heart sink. She should not be feeling this at her age, he thought. “So where is he? How’s he managed to get out? Is he still high as a kite, is that why he ended up in a hospital bed?” It all came spilling out of her at once, shocking Robert at first until he found his voice.

“Liv, calm down let’s go and talk away from here, Aaron is sleeping and he needs to at the moment.” Liv looked like she was going to argue but conceded, concluding that she wasn’t going to get answers if she kept losing it.

 

They went to her bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. “Well?” Liv said in that stroppy teenage way she had perfected. Robert didn’t know where to start. “So Aaron didn’t have the greatest of times in prison and the other day I got a phone call informing me that he had gotten some pretty serious injuries from some of the other inmates.” Liv shook her head. “He was beaten up pretty badly Liv, he needed surgery.” Liv looked panicked. “Hey, the doctors let him go he’s going to be fine. The lawyers managed to use all of this to get him out early on tag, so he’s staying here with us. He’s not going anywhere, ok?” Then Robert realised something. “Why didn’t you tell me about the drugs Liv, you didn’t need to keep that to yourself?” Liv looked down at her fingers.

“I didn’t know how too, I was so scared that it would stop him getting out Robert, I’ve seen what drugs can do. I just tried to ignore that it hadn’t happened.” She sobbed. Robert pulled her into a hug. “Well we are in this together Liv, no more secrets. And as for Aaron he went cold turkey in hospital. He will need some professional help to keep him away from the drugs but we will help him too. Together.” Liv wiped her tears away.

“Can I see him?” Robert told her he really was fast asleep but that he would come get her as soon as he was awake.

“You’ll have to be gentle with him Liv, he’s pretty sore.” Liv nodded. They were about to leave Liv’s room, Rob’s arm around Liv’s shoulders when they heard a high pitched, soul disturbing scream travel from Robert and Aaron’s bedroom. Robert was sprinting down the hall, Liv following closely behind him. Robert ran straight to his husband who was screaming and writhing in pain. Liv looked on horrified from the doorway as Robert spoke to Aaron trying to wake him up from his nightmare. Aaron wasn’t responding to Robert’s voice so he gently shook him awake, Rob’s reassuring voice never stopping. The screaming stopped, Aaron’s eyes were open wide taking in his surroundings. Fear obviously gripping him. He curled into Robert looking for security as he started to sob. Robert was rubbing soothing circles into his back gently rocking him as he shushed him. Liv had never seen anything like it. It seemed too intimate for her to stay so she whispered, “I’ll be downstairs,” and with that she retreated to the stairs a little shaky wondering what hell her brother had faced in prison.


	15. She Won't Want to Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron comes round learns from Robert that Liv is home. He voices his worries to Robert that she won't want anything to do with him after the drugs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one, linking the story together.

Aaron eventually calmed down, eyes red raw, chest sore from the rib-wrenching sobs. He pulled back from Rob slightly to look at him. Robert looked down. “You left me?” Aaron quietly questioned. Rob’s heart was pulled from his chest. “No baby, I was just outside talking to Liv. I’d never leave you.” Aaron’s face changed to panic. “A, what’s wrong?” Aaron took a minute but answered, “Liv. She knew Robert. She knew I was taking drugs. She was so angry and disappointed with me Robert, she’s going to want nothing to do with me, none of you are. I let you all down so much, I don’t deserve any of you.” Robert couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He pulled Aaron in tighter and reassured him,

“Aaron, I understand, Liv WILL understand. You’re her big brother, she’s already asked if she can see you. She loves you, we all just want to help you get through this.” Robert hoped he believed him. “Did you tell her everything?” Robert could hear fear, shame and embarrassment in his voice. He knew what Aaron was asking, the unspoken words that neither of them had said yet. “No, I didn’t. I told her you had been beaten up. Nothing more. It’s not my place to tell anybody Aaron and I won’t, but I will be here to listen when you’re ready to tell me.” Aaron looked back up at Robert. He was about to speak but changed his mind. Robert knew he was close to opening up but he wouldn’t push.

“Can you go and get her? Please?” Robert stood, as he reached the door he turned to look back at Aaron. He looked so small as he said, “Don’t be too long.”


	16. I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liv and Aaron talk for the first time since the prison visit.

Robert walked into the back room to find Liv staring at her phone at the table. She had been crying. “Hey, he’s awake and asking to see you.”

She sniffed, “Is he ok?”

“Yes he’s fine. He had a nightmare which is to be expected but I think he would feel much better once he’s seen you. Come on.” She stood and walked over eyes to the floor all the way up the stairs, she didn’t even lift her gaze as Robert directed her into the bedroom. She found herself stood in front of Aaron, he reached out and took her hand. “I’m so sorry Liv, I really let you down. But never again you hear me.” She stood hunched, lifting her head to look straight at Robert scared of what she might see if she looked at her brother. Robert smiled and nodded his head which gave her the courage to finally look at Aaron. She took in all the bruises on his face and the look of guilt. “No, Aaron I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lost it and left you. I was just so scared for you. Scared you’d never come back to me.” He pulled her in to a tight hug, ignoring the protest from his ribs.

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. We will get through this as a family ok. It’s all going to be fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, sorry! Some more longer ones coming soon!


	17. Ask me and I'll Answer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert feels ready to ask Aaron some questions and then Aaron tells him to ask an important question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - it's about to get deep!

They had sat there for about an hour catching up, Liv talking about school and Gabby. Robert talking about Mill and it was just the normality all three of them needed. Rob had nipped downstairs to make a brew and some toast. On his return Liv was just leaving. She said she was staying at Gabby’s for the night and she would see them both tomorrow. Aaron seemed brighter. He tucked into the toast as Robert turned the television on to give them some background noise. He settled in next to Aaron and started to eat.

Toast and tea demolished they snuggled together, watching Sheldon Cooper diving into a ball pit. Robert didn’t want to break this peace but he knew he had to ask, “Aaron, how do you feel about the counselling order from the courts?” Aaron sighed,

“I guess I’m nervous but it can only be a good thing right? I mean I was bad before I went in, I’m worse now. I don’t want to be broken anymore Robert. I want to be normal. I want to be the best husband I can be. For you. I’m scared but I think I need to do this.” Robert listened carefully, proud of his Aaron,

“Aaron you _are_ the best husband, don’t do this for me, do this for you.”          

“I am Robert. I am doing it for me but I’m also doing it for you, for Liv. For _us._ I need to accept the help offered to me.” Two tears fell from Robert’s tired eyes,

“You are the bravest person I have ever met. I am so proud of you and I’m so proud that I am married to you and I get to call you mine. Are you ready to tell me?” They searched each other’s eyes. “Ask me Rob, I need you to ask me.” Robert didn’t want to but he needed to be as brave as his husband. They turned so they were sitting cross legged in the centre of the bed, face to face, both hands held together between them. “Aaron, were you raped in prison?” Aaron tried to stay strong, he couldn’t fall apart not now. He took a deep breath, kept his eyes on Robert and replied, “Yes. I was raped in prison.”


	18. Opening Up!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron opens up to Robert, telling him everything about his ordeal in prison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - detailed descriptions of violence and rape. Mentions of self harm and drug taking. It's pretty full on. Do not read if triggered.

The unspoken words were finally in the open. Neither of them had fallen apart, the world hadn’t ended. They were both ready for that moment. They had chosen the right time. They just stared at each other, using each other’s eyes as strength to survive. “I want to tell you about it Robert, I just don’t know if I can find the words.” Robert squeezed Aaron’s hands, “Just take your time.” There was no pressure from Robert and Aaron knew he could start to open up about the trauma he had endured inside.

“Everything started off fine. I really was ok on your first visit. But the top dog he learnt that I was gay.” Robert’s face fell, Aaron could see the guilt. “No Rob, it’s not your fault. They would have found out anyway, I’d already lost it with them for some gay bashing I saw. They would have found out. Anyway I could deal with the names and stuff but then there was this lad. I was hoping he wouldn’t recognise me from the last time I was in there. He did. He called me ‘Livesy’,” Aaron spat, “I tried to brush it off, hope that nobody noticed but Jason did.”

“Jason?” Robert questioned. Aaron snapped his head up realising he had let a name slip.

“Yes Jason, top dog, but don’t get any ideas Robert, I don’t want anything else to worry about.” Robert was angry and he had to supress the old Robert and his desire to hurt this monster. “He came and let me know that he knew who I was and who my father was. It made me the only target they could see. Gay and the son of a paedophile.” He huffed. “They’d hit the jackpot with me.” Robert rubbed his arm soothingly. Aaron continued. “Jason informed me that he was the reason Gordon killed himself, he had got into his head so much that he couldn’t live any longer. I was scared. I had a panic attack, reached for the razor. Afterwards, I was so disappointed in myself because I knew how disappointed you would have been in me.”

“Maybe so Aaron, but I can understand why you did it.”

“I didn’t sleep at all that night, wondering what would happen to me the next day. I knew I’d fight back but I wasn’t sure I’d win. He came to see me the next day, taunting me about Gordon. Asking if… Asking if…” Aaron was struggling to say the words.

“It’s ok, take your time.” Aaron’s face was becoming wetter as the tears started to flow. He took some deep breaths,

“He said, ‘So Daddy loved you too much. Did you love Daddy as much as he loved you? Did he turn you, you liked it that much?’” Robert felt sick. How could anybody say that? Why did his Aaron have to go through that? And then anger filled him, that man was still haunting his boy.

 

They needed a break, Robert carefully rested his forehead against Aaron’s. After five minutes of silence, regathering their thoughts Aaron spoke again, “He came back later on with his gang and gave me my first beating. It hurt a lot but I could live with that. I wanted to tell you on the phone but I just couldn’t, I didn’t want to give you any more to worry about. I’m sorry.”

“You should have but let’s not focus on that now. Is that when you turned to drugs?” Aaron was shaking his head,

“No I was offered it for the pain but I declined, I could deal with the pain and the thought of you and Liv was all I needed. I didn’t want to risk it. But… but then they intercepted me in the corridor. Jason’s gang. They dragged me to this cell, I fought back but he told me who’s cell it had been.” Robert looked alarmed. “It was Gordon’s; I couldn’t deal with it I froze. Just froze. They had some lookouts whilst Jason and one of his mates held me down. I knew what was coming, they had removed my pants. I couldn’t fight both of them. I tried Robert I really did. I’m so sorry.” Robert held him emphasising each word,

“It’s. Not. Your. Fault. You don’t need to apologise.”

“I was meant to be yours and I let them have me.” Aaron broke down. Robert thought carefully about what he was going to say.

“Aaron, you are mine. You are nobody else’s. They didn’t take what we have together. They forced you. You didn’t want it and you didn’t let them. Please. Please don’t place all this blame on yourself.” Aaron let out some awkward coughs but wanted to get to the end of the telling.

“It hurt. I tried not to respond because that’s what they wanted. They took it in turns. Jason wanted to make me feel it, make the most impact…” He left that sentence hanging and Robert finished it for him, “He got you hard. Didn’t he?” Aaron curled into himself, ashamed. He nodded and whispered “Yeh. I wasn’t enjoying it. I felt so dirty. I wasn’t in control of my own body. It wasn’t my body anymore. It still isn’t. Not completely. They left me in there, according to the Father the guard found me close to catatonic on the cell floor. I don’t remember. Later that night I needed you and I couldn’t have you so I gave in to the drugs. I needed to escape what was in here.” He jabbed at his temple. Robert caught his arm, “I get it. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there. I wish I was.”

“It escalated from there. The drug was instantly addictive, I just needed more. The attacks kept happening, I lost count of how many had a go each time and then the last time, they did, just too much damage I guess because then I woke up in the hospital. They raped me Robert, I can still smell the bastards, still feel them, still feel the cold floor or the hard wall and him I can just see him, Gordon, smirking down at me happy it was happening in his cell. Make me forget Robert, make me not feel, make me yours again please.” As he fully broke down into Robert’s safe arms. “I will Aaron. We will get through this. I will make you feel good again, show you it can be good again. Our love will beat the hate Aaron.”


	19. I Can't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron takes the opportunity to admire his husband but tries to push himself further than he's ready for.

They lay there in each other’s arms, not letting go, just crying until they both cried themselves to sleep. They woke up in the exact same position. Aaron first, relieved it was not a nightmare that had woken him. His talk with Robert might have released some of the panic locked up inside of him. He gazed lovingly at his husband, this man who truly loved him. He was scared to face the world today and start his long road to recovery but he was determined to make that step today and he knew he could only do that because of this man lying beside him. He didn’t know when he would be able to be intimate with Robert again, he wasn’t even sure if he ever would be, which scared Aaron more than anything else. He just couldn’t face sex at the moment no matter how much Robert meant to him and how much he wanted him.

Aaron took this opportunity to run his hand over Robert’s chest, he could feel his husband’s toned muscles under his fingers through his t-shirt. His hand stopped at Robert’s waistband, wanting to go further like the many wake up calls he had performed in the past. But it wasn’t the same anymore, fear consumed Aaron now. He sighed heavily just as Robert began to stir. Aaron’s hand was frozen on Robert’s waistband. Robert became aware of this very quickly, opening his eyes to search for answers on Aaron’s face. “Aaron?” Robert didn’t move hoping for a response. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just can’t.” and with that Aaron jumped up clearly in pain and rushed out of the bedroom. Robert let the initial shock evaporate and then became worried that he had done something in his sleep that Aaron wasn’t ready for. He jumped up and ran to the bathroom but he was too late the door was locked and no sound came from the other side. Robert knocked on the door praying Aaron hadn’t done anything stupid. ” Please Aaron, let me in... or talk to me please. Let me know you are ok.” There was nothing from Aaron, Robert was beside himself. He had only one thing left to do and that was to break the door down. He gave Aaron a warning as he stepped back but before he could kick out there was a small click of the door unlocking.


	20. No Rush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert have another conversation about their future and where they go next.

Robert grabbed the handle and pushed the door open to find Aaron sitting on the floor against the bath. Robert searched for injury, his eyes finding the razor on the sink. “I didn’t do it.” Robert released a breath he didn’t realise he had been holding. He pushed the door closed and then crouched in front of Aaron.  
“What happened baby? Was it me? Did I do something?” Aaron answered immediately he didn’t want Robert to feel guilty,  
“No it wasn’t you, you didn’t do anything, please don’t think that you did because you didn’t.” Robert felt some relief but he wanted to know what had happened,  
“So if it wasn’t anything I did what happened?” He hesitated before he continued, “A, I felt your hands on my waistband when I woke up. Does it have something to do with that?” Aaron couldn’t believe how his husband just knew. He shifted uncomfortably before replying, “Yeh. I wanted to try Robert but I just couldn’t do it and I’m so scared that I never will.” Robert’s heart ached for his husband. “Aaron, you’re a day out of hospital, a few days out of prison after a traumatic time. We have a lot to work through before we even try to go there again. I haven’t given you any reason for you to push things have I?” Aaron shook his head. “So don’t push yourself, give yourself time to heal. I’m just happy to have you back home with me and that’ll do.” Aaron sniffed and wiped his eyes,  
“But you won’t live a sexless life Robert, I know you won’t and it’s such an important part to us it always has been. Why would you want to stay with a husband who can’t give you sex?” Aaron looked defeated and Robert couldn’t bear it. Robert’s legs were screaming at him so he settled himself on the floor opposite Aaron.  
“I don’t need sex; I need you Aaron. I can’t live without you. But for what it’s worth I don’t believe we will spend the rest of our lives without making love. And that’s what it is Aaron, it’s not fucking, it’s not just having sex, its making love. I don’t want you to think you need to rush to get back there. I just want you happy, happy with me. There will be no pressure from me, take everything one step at a time ok? I do ask one thing though, keep talking. I want to know what’s going on.” Aaron smiled, he felt much calmer from Robert’s words. “I promise. Robert I want to get started with the counselling straight away, I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”  
“Ok baby we will ring up today get an appointment booked if that’s what you need. Let’s get out of here hey? Come on back to our room.” Robert stood up and then helped Aaron up. The sudden movements of before clearly hurting Aaron now. They went to leave but Aaron stopped. Robert watched him pick up the razor from the sink and dispose of it in the bin. They left the bathroom, both thinking it was a small amount of progress.


	21. Appointments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert get straight on to sorting a counsellor and then there is something else Aaron needs to do.

Aaron was exhausted again so he lay back on the bed holding his ribs. Robert grabbed Aaron’s pain medication and a bottle of water off the side and handed it to him before grabbing the laptop off the desk. He sat back down and booted up the computer. Aaron moved closer to Robert to look at the screen. Robert had brought up the list of counsellors supplied by the courts. “Do you want a man or a woman counsellor?”

“I’m not sure to be honest, whoever can fit me in the earliest. Try the female ones first though.” Robert thought he would but he didn’t want to make the decision for him. They rang through the first half a dozen, all of which had waiting lists spanning months. Robert muttered frustrations under his breath about how Aaron was meant to keep up his end of the conditions when they couldn’t even get an appointment. They looked at the next on the list, Robert looked at Aaron, “There’s no more female counsellors left babe.” Aaron looked nervous but determined. ”Guess we will need to try the male ones then.” Robert nodded and rang the next few numbers. They struck lucky on Dr. Miles Joseph who had had a cancellation for later that day at 16:30. “Ok so we are all booked in, what do you want to do until then? Robert questioned. Aaron shuffled nervously,

“We need to make another appointment for me Rob.” Robert was completely puzzled, he had no idea what Aaron meant. He saw Aaron’s face turn red. “I need to make sure I’m clean Robert.” Robert then understood,

“Aaron they would have ran some tests in the hospital during the rape kit.”

“I know that Robert, but I wasn’t awake for that, I need to be in control of it. I need to be sure so I want a full screening done. The number of people that had a go, I’m bound to have caught something, aren’t I? We need to know don’t we?” Of course they needed to know and Robert knew Aaron was right, from the number of people he said he was attacked by there was a strong possibility he could have contracted something but Robert didn’t want to think about that and he couldn’t bear the thought of Aaron having to go through the invasiveness of it all either. He also knew that it would be irresponsible of them not to. “Ok, I will pull the number of the family planning and sexual health clinic in Hotten and see if we need to make an appointment.”

Aaron said, “Thank you. I’m just going to have a wash and brush my teeth, try to get myself together to face the day.” Robert rang the number and explained the situation. Due to the seriousness of the situation they said Aaron could come down as soon as possible and he could see somebody specialised in sexual assault. Aaron came back in dressed in black jeans and a black hoody but thankfully still with fluffy hair. “So?” Aaron asked.

“They said we can head down there as soon as we’re ready.” Aaron walked to the window and waited for Robert to get washed and changed. He looked out, building his courage for the day.


	22. The Tests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron gets checked out and undergoes the tests at the clinic, with Rob by his side.

Despite the woman’s soft and kind nature, and clear experience of doing this before, the whole appointment was awkward. She had made it clear that he could ask for a male to take the appointment if he’d prefer but Aaron declined. Aaron was brave, told her he had been repeatedly raped by different men who did not wear any protection. She talked through the process and the tests they would do beforehand, both Aaron and Robert listening very carefully to each word. She listed through numerous STIs they would test for and they would do HIV and Hepatitis tests too. Those particularly standing out to both of them.

Firstly, she asked Aaron to provide a urine sample. Robert waited for him in the room asking the nurse if she had any information on supporting a partner through sexual assault. She showed him some leaflets she had which he slid into his jacket pocket. Aaron returned and had a blood test. Robert knew that she was getting the less invasive tests out of the way first. She swabbed the inside of Aaron’s mouth and once she had sealed it away turned to Aaron. “This is where it gets a little tougher. I’m going to ask you to go behind the curtain and remove all your clothing from the waist down. Once you’ve done that lie on the bed and use the sheet provided to cover yourself up and then let me know when you’re ready. I will try to make this as quick as possible. It will involve a swab to be taken from the tip of your penis, which can be a little uncomfortable and a swab from your rectum. Whilst I do that I will also do a quick examination of those areas. Do you understand?” Aaron nodded but looked terrified at the prospect. How was he meant to do this when he couldn’t even be naked in front of his husband? Aaron asked if Robert could stay with him to which the woman agreed without hesitation. “Whatever makes you feel most comfortable.”

Robert allowed him to undress alone and only made his way behind the curtain once Aaron said it was ok, his hand already outstretched searching for Robert. Robert held his hand and spoke to distract Aaron, keeping their eyes focussed on each other. It was all Robert could do apart from stay strong when Aaron was grimacing in discomfort. All the tests had been completed. Aaron opting to be notified of the results via text message. Before they left the nurse handed over some leaflets, LGBT support, surviving rape and sexual assault, some male sexual assault leaflets, what to do if your positive. It was a lot to take in for Aaron so Robert took them and thanked her, adding them to the other leaflets in his jacket pocket. They were finally alone again in the car and Aaron just broke down. He didn’t think he had any more tears to shed but clearly he was wrong because now they were staining Roberts shoulder with no signs of stopping.


	23. Lets Forget - Just for a Bit!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have time to spare until the next appointment so Robert tries to distract Aaron from it all.

“I’m tired of crying Rob. I just want it to all go away.” Aaron confessed once his heart-wrenching sobs had subsided.

“I know you are A, but the way I see it, it’s healthy you are crying. It’s a natural response and it means they didn’t take your ability to feel and show emotion away from you. As for it all going away, I wish that too but it won’t. But we can face it and hopefully once we have dealt with it we can lock it away. Now, we have two and a half hours till the next appointment so should we go and get something to eat?” Aaron nodded even though he didn’t feel particularly hungry. “Where should we go?” Robert asked as he started the ignition. Aaron shrugged but then said, “Somewhere that’s not crowded Rob, I can’t face that at the moment.” Robert had the best idea. He started to drive through the town, letting the radio fill the silence.

Rob pulled into a car park and Aaron turned to look at him, “It’s going to be heaving in there it always is, I told you I can’t be around lots of people right now.” Robert hadn’t parked up the car yet though and Aaron hadn’t realised whilst he was talking that the car had pulled into the Drive-Thru. “I know that Aaron, that’s why I’m going through the Drive-Thru. We can stay in the car, or sit on the benches or I might even allow us to sit on the bonnet. So what will it be? The usual?” Aaron just responded with the brightest most loving smile that Robert didn’t think he would see for a while. Robert spoke to the young lad through the mic. Large Bic Mac meal for Aaron with coke and an extra double cheeseburger. McChicken Sandwich Meal, Diet Coke and an extra cheeseburger for Rob. He also got them a McFlurry each as a treat.

Rob pulled up in the car park and Aaron opted for the bonnet, he wouldn’t have minded the bench but he wanted to see if Robert really would allow them to rest on his car. To Aaron’s surprise he did, although he did keep checking for scratches. It had been nice and the sun was out too. For a couple of hours, they were just a newly-wed couple having a laugh with each other. Robert had done a great job of distracting Aaron from everything, even if it would be short lived.


	24. Counsellor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert's happy time fades as Aaron starts his counselling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry it's taken so long to update, I hate it when I have to wait for a fic but I really couldn't write after the events on the actual show this week! Not sure how to write a loving and comforting fiction about these two characters when one of them has cheated! I hope I am still doing it justice.

The smiles on both their faces had gradually faded the closer they got to Dr. Miles Joseph’s offices. Robert worried for his boy, Aaron worried about opening up to a complete stranger. They sat silently in the waiting room. Robert thought this was becoming too familiar. Both of them were tapping their knee up and down anxiously. A short man, with a little bit of extra weight around his middle and balding brown hair, approached the two men. He could see both men were incredibly anxious and looking a little worried but he could tell which of the two men he would be counselling. The dark haired one seemed very small and beaten. Nevertheless, he addressed both men by introducing himself. The blonde one offered out his hand and introduced himself then introduced Aaron when he kept staring down and rubbing his hands together. Robert nudged Aaron to bring him to the present. It worked, he nodded his head towards the doctor. “Should we go to my room?” the doctor asked Aaron. Aaron nodded, seeming to have lost his voice. He did turn to Robert, “Stay here? I need to do this alone but stay here. I need to know you are just outside.” The doctor watched this interaction closely as Robert promised Aaron he wouldn’t go anywhere.  He took a chance and gave Aaron a kiss to the forehead then watched as Aaron’s hunched shoulders disappeared into the next room.

 

Aaron found the room quite welcoming as he entered although he thought it was probably designed that way. He took a seat on one of the comfy chairs and waited for the man to sit opposite. The man smiled at Aaron, he seemed harmless enough. He started the session off by reintroducing himself and laying out the purpose of their meetings. He made it clear that a lot had to come from Aaron himself in order to be able to move forward. Aaron wasn’t new to this though he had been here before, many years ago. “Right, so now we have got all that out of the way, would you like to tell me why you are here?” Aaron looked down at his fingers nervously twisting his finger where his wedding ring should be. He made a note that him and Robert needed to rectify this absence when they got out of here. He refocused himself looked up and said with as much strength as he could, “I was raped by my father as a child. I self-harm. My jealousy and anger recently landed me in prison and whilst in there I took drugs to cope with being repeatedly beaten and raped by a gang of men. I need you to help me. I need you to fix me. I just want to be normal and have a normal life with my husband but I can’t do it alone.” He took a deep breath once he had finished proud of himself that he had been able to get it all out and speak the truth. The doctor was taken aback, although he didn’t show it, but not by what Aaron had told him but how Aaron had acknowledged that he needed help to move past it. He very rarely had patients who were so direct and open in what they wanted in the first session. “Well I can see how invested you are in getting past these demons you have had to face so let’s get started and agree on our what we want our first outcome to be.” Aaron nodded, glad that this doctor was on the same page as him, this might just work he thought.


	25. Ring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron tells Robert that they have both forgotten something important.

Aaron left Dr. Joseph’s office feeling a little lighter. He had an appointment arranged for the following week and some tasks to achieve before then. Robert thought he looked a little different too and hoped this could only be a good thing. He didn’t ask Aaron about it, he didn’t want to intrude on Aaron’s private chats with his now therapist. If Aaron wanted to share he would do and Robert was fine with that as long as he didn’t stop communicating with him. They drove back to Emmerdale in a comfortable silence, ensuring they were back in the Woolpack before Aaron’s curfew time but as it was they were back with plenty of time to spare. Aaron lowered himself back into the sofa and rested his head back. Robert busy making them both a brew in the kitchen. When he settled down next to Aaron he made sure not to crowd him, only touching their knees together. “You haven’t spoken since the therapy Aaron; I’m getting a little worried that I misread how it went?” Aaron rolled his head to face Robert,

”Sorry, it’s just I did a lot of talking in that session I’m just exhausted but it did go well. I seem to get on with Doctor Joseph so I think it might just help me.” Relief flooded through Robert and he lay his head back on the sofa. A soft smile on his lips. “Whilst I was in there I noticed something, something I or we should have noticed straight away but I guess it’s been a distracting few days with everything.” Robert was at a loss,

“What, what have we not noticed?” a bit of worry laced into his voice. Aaron took hold of Robert’s left hand with his right hand and then placed his own left hand next to Robert’s in comparison. Robert looked down and suddenly recognised what Aaron was referring too. Aaron’s missing wedding ring. Aaron was right it had slipped under the radar with everything going on. He looked up to lock eyes with Aaron, “You’re right Mr Sugden we need to put your ring back on. Where is it though?” Aaron answered immediately,

“It should be in that bag the warden brought to the hospital. Go check in there.” Robert jumped up and ran up the stairs searching for the black holdall neither of them had thought to empty. He found a clear see through bag and inside sat Aaron’s wedding ring. It had hurt him to learn Aaron had taken it off but he understood why he had to and he knew it had hurt Aaron just as much to have to remove it. But it was behind them now it was time to put it back in place. Robert rushed downstairs, hope on his husband’s face as he walked back into the room. “Don’t worry, I’ve got it right here.” And he held his hand out to show Aaron. Robert sat back down next to Aaron, knee to knee. “Aaron, you said that you felt you were no longer mine and I wish you didn’t feel that way because you _are_ mine Aaron, in every possible way. Just like I am yours. You will be mine, always and forever. This is our first step to our new lives together.” Aaron stared lovingly at his husband and he was right he felt there was a long way to go to ever feel like he belonged to Robert again but this was the first step. He held his left hand out and simply said, “Our first step, reclaim me Mr Dingle.” And Robert slid the ring back into place.


	26. Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron's lips finally reconnect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has taken so long! Had a mad, busy week! And a little writer's block!

Something had lifted in both of them. They had drunk their tea and cuddled up together on the sofa. Aaron seemed comfortable with the cuddling but Robert made sure he didn’t let his hands wander like they would have done before. They had put a film on, Grown Ups 2, light hearted and funny just what they needed. The film was half way through when Liv showed her face. They hadn’t seen her in 24 hours. She said she had been with Gabby after school and they had grabbed some chips. She sat on the chair watching her brother and brother in law carefully and then deciding she wasn’t going to get anything from them settled down to watch the rest of the film. As the credits started to role she began to speak but was soon shushed by Robert who then nodded his head down to Aaron. He was fast asleep. Liv whispered, ”How was he today?” Robert smiled to reassure her,

“He’s been good. We sorted out a counsellor and he had his first session today. It seemed to have gone well. As you can see though it’s been a tough day and its wiped him out.” Liv bit her lip, a trait her older brother possesses too.

“Ok well I’m going to head up to bed, tell him I will see him tomorrow?”

“Of course I will. Night Liv.” She tiptoed out to the hallway and up the stairs leaving Robert with a sleeping Aaron. He seemed peaceful and Robert didn’t want to disturb that but he knew Aaron would hate waking up down here and it can’t be comfortable for his ribs. He was about to wake him up when Victoria and Adam entered the room. Robert put his finger to his lips and gestured to the dining table. As they both walked around and saw Aaron and his bruised face they both looked shocked. Robert could only think of how they would react if they saw the other injuries. Vic and Adam sat down whilst Robert covered Aaron with a blanket. He joined them at the table, “To what do we owe the pleasure?” he asked.

“We came to see how you both were. So how are you?” Robert looked over at Aaron,

“Tired. We both are, it’s been a tough few days. But we are getting there. Adjusting to life, trying to getting back to normal.”

“And Aaron? Are you going to tell us what’s been going on?” Adam asked, not as softly as his wife had started out.

“Yeh, he’s had it tough but he’s a fighter you know that. He will get there. He started his counselling, ordered by the courts, today so that’s a big step.” Robert hoping to pacify their curiosity with that little bit of information. They both raised their eyebrows at that but it didn’t work. Adam wanted to know everything. “That’s great but why does he need it? What has actually happened to him Robert and don’t bother lying to me, I know my best mate.”

“In that case you know I can’t tell you, it’s not for me to say Adam. I won’t betray _my husband_ like that. If he wants you to know he will tell you himself.” Adam knew this so stayed quiet. Victoria could feel this meeting going downhill so stood up to give her brother a hug. He hugged her back, grateful for the comfort. “We will get going, let him know we have been around and that we will be back to see him when he’s awake. And you call if you need anything ok?”

“I will sis thanks.” Adam and Victoria left and Robert regained himself before turning his attention back to Aaron. He noticed straight away Aaron’s demeanour had changed. He was starting to fidget and his face showed nothing but pain. Aaron was falling into a nightmare so Robert moved quickly and woke him up before he could fall any deeper. Aaron grabbed at Robert’s t-shirt but remained quiet. “Come on Baby, let’s get you up to bed.” Aaron felt weak so he let Robert take most of his weight to help him up to bed. They changed into sweats and a t-shirt, in different rooms, and Aaron took his pain medication before settling down curled into Robert’s chest. Robert’s heartbeat like his own personal lullaby. Aaron had his eyes closed and the vision of the forehead kiss from earlier invaded his mind. How lucky and loved he felt at the time and then he realised he hadn’t shared a proper kiss with Robert yet and he really wanted to. He shifted slightly which caused Robert to look down. “You ok? He questioned.

“Yeh it’s just there’s something I want to do.” He leant up keeping his eyes locked onto Robert’s. He brushed his lips over Robert’s and then pressed them together. He could taste his husband again and it felt good. He moved his lips against Rob’s which prompted Rob to return the kiss. Not too much just enough to show their love for one another. They pulled apart, both with heart-warming smiles on their faces. They settled back down to sleep. Today had been a good day.


	27. Morning Pillow Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron wakes up in pain and he wakes Robert up to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one before work!

Aaron woke up in lots of pain from all the moving around the day before. He nudged Robert awake because he was too sore to reach his pain medication. He was a bit shaky today too, maybe that was just the pain but Aaron couldn’t help feel in the back of his mind that it might be from the drugs he took in prison. He squashes that thought down as he nudges Robert awake. “Rob, Rob wake up,” he softly whispered. Robert groaned in response,

“humph,” he replied completely incoherent until he heard again that it was Aaron who was waking him up. He sat up quickly, hair all ruffled. Aaron thought he looked adorable with his pillow hair and would have commented on it had he not been in so much pain. “What’s up? Are you ok?” Robert asked.

“I’m really hurting today Rob and I can’t move to get my meds. Can you get them for me please? I’m sorry I had to wake you!” Aaron confessed feeling a little helpless.

“No, it’s fine I’d rather be up helping you than you struggling.” He got up out of bed and retrieved the tablets and water from the desk. “Here you go.” Aaron took them with thanks and then settled back against his pillows waiting for them to work. “Why do you think you are hurting so much today?” Robert queried. Aaron went to reply but was caught off guard by a yawn. They both giggled. It was a nice sound. “I don’t know, maybe because I did a lot yesterday or because my body is healing.” He paused a moment then continued, “I’m a bit shaky today and I can’t help but think it might be an after effect of those drugs I was taking. I know I went through withdrawal but goodness knows what they did to me. They were instantly addictive Rob and it scared me that I couldn’t get enough. What if I go back to them?” Aaron’s voice was very small.

“Has this been playing on your mind?” Robert didn’t need a yes he could see it in the quick glance he got from Aaron. “Look, the drugs were your coping mechanism in a really shitty situation, and maybe sub-consciously another way of self-harming? But you’re out now, you have me, Liv, your mum, Adam and Vic, the good doctor all here to support you. You have a reason to fight now and your home, you don’t need the drugs and I don’t believe that you will take them again. But I’m not naïve Aaron, it’s an addiction so if you have the slightest wobble or urge for them, you tell me. No judgement or anger, I just want to know so we can stop it together. Think you could do that?” Robert asked hopeful his words meant something to Aaron. Aaron grinned, “I think I can do that.”

“Good boy! Now I was having a rather nice dream about kissing my husband and would very much like to get back there. A few more hours’ kip and then we can see if you’re up for going out?” Settling down further into his pillows Aaron said,

“Sounds like a plan.” Then feeling brave, “Does the kissing only have to be in a dream?” And just like that Robert leant over and gave his husband a little peck on the lips and fell back asleep with a cheeky grin on his face.


	28. The Scrapyard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron ventures out for the first time to see Adam up at the scrapyard. Robert is always close by but an unexpected encounter might just send Aaron further back in his recovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has taken so long. Had really bad writer's block.

They both woke up feeling much better than earlier. “How was your dream Mr Dingle?” Aaron asked in quite a flirty voice.

“Well Mr Sugden, it was just perfect.” They both started laughing, their hands finding each other’s under the duvet. They spent a minute just taking each other in. Neither wanted to break the spell but they knew they couldn’t stay there all day. “So are you up for going out? We could maybe go and see Adam. Him and Vic popped over last night to see you but you were asleep. What do you think?” Robert could see Aaron trying to figure out if he was up for it before he said,

“Yeh, let’s go see him. I have missed him and my counsellor said I should focus on the people I feel closest too who I know will support me and therefore my task is to see these people this week even if I’m scared or just want to hide away. Besides it’s just Adam and he doesn’t know everything that’s happened so I can do this!” Aaron finished with a determination in his voice. Robert admired his husband, how he still kept going and just didn’t give up. ”That’s right he doesn’t and he doesn’t have to until you’re ready and I will be there on hand if needs be. I can grab some paperwork whilst you two catch up. So it’s a plan then?” Aaron nodded and then headed to the bathroom with his clean clothes. Robert was sad that Aaron could no longer get dressed in front of him, and mourned for what used to be. The little floor shows each of them would give each other if they were up first or into bed last. No stop it! Robert thought to himself. I shouldn’t be thinking like this. He hopped out of bed and grabbed some clothes.

 

Robert drove to the scrapyard. He figured the walk was too far for Aaron’s injured body and there was less chance of bumping into people he didn’t want to speak to. Aaron just wasn’t ready for the attention or the questions right now. Aaron was thankful for his thoughtful husband. They pulled into the scrapyard and they could see Adam in his orange Hi-Viz jacket ripping a car apart. Aaron didn’t feel nervous he surprisingly felt some excitement at seeing his best mate. Adam turned when he heard the crunch of the stones under the tyres. He seemed to echo Aaron’s feelings of excitement as he abandoned the scrap he was sorting, and did a little skip towards the car with that huge, friendly smile on his face at seeing Aaron sitting in the passenger seat. Aaron stepped out to be greeted by Adam’s usual “Alright Bro, nice to see ya. Come ‘ere!” and Aaron stepped into the hug offered by his best mate. “Just be careful yeh, bit tender under here,” Aaron gestured to his ribs.

 

Robert slipped into the cabin, knowing Aaron was safe and comfortable. It would do him good to talk to Adam for a bit. He also, as bad as it sounded, needed a break away from Aaron. Everything had been so intense since the hospital he hadn’t really had a chance to reflect on everything Aaron had told him and everything that faced them in the near future. He realised just how exhausted he felt. He sat at his desk and stared at the paperwork left for him.

 

Aaron didn’t have to worry about starting up conversation with Adam, his best mate could speak for the both of them. It was nice to be normal for a bit to be treated normally and Adam seemed to sense not to pry for now. So he settled into how he had beaten Pete and Ross on Fifa, showing off just a little. He told him about Robert’s terrible DIY skills and how he had to step in or his home would have ended up a wonky mess. They both laughed hard at that. Aaron was genuinely interested in how Adam and Vic’s life was going and asked him how they were doing on the baby making. Adam laughed, “Mate, if I knew a baby would get me this much action I would totally have done it sooner. Ahh don’t tell Robert I said that he’d kill me! But yeh it’s alright but think Vic is getting a bit worried it’s not happening yet, but they say it’s a fine window of opportunity so we just have to make the most of that window.” He nudged and winked at Aaron as he said it. Aaron just rolled his eyes. “Oh don’t give me that, I know what you and Robert will be up to once those ribs have healed.” A dark look flashed across Aaron’s face but he thinks he recovered quickly without Adam noticing and just replied,

“Shut up!” in that deflecting way. Adam noticed a small shift in Aaron’s mood but couldn’t comment upon it as Jimmy and Nicola pulled up into the yard.

Aaron tensed, he wasn’t expecting to have to face anybody else today. He knew people would want to know why he was out and they weren’t blind they could see the bruises. There was nowhere he could escape to he was trapped. Again. Nicola marched over, obviously in a bad mood. Jimmy trailing behind like he was on a lead. “Well, well, well! Out already are we? How did you swindle that one then? Pay somebody off? Give them a few favours did we?” Aaron was sweating and shaking. He knew exactly what kind of favours Nicola was getting at. “Anyway it doesn’t matter, now your back maybe you could put a smile back on Robert’s face, if you know what I mean. He’s been insufferable since you’ve been gone and he’s not pulling his weight in the business. The sooner you ‘please’ him and send him back to us the better it will be for the business. Make sure you please him better than the guy who gave you that black eye though aye!” She laughed at her little joke, oblivious to what she had just said. Aaron couldn’t take anymore, did his whole worth come down to using his body to please others? It appeared to Aaron that everyone seemed to think so. He limped off quickly past the cars and out the scrapyard, ignoring the calls from Adam to come back.

 Robert heard Adam shouting Aaron’s name and rushed out of the cabin to find Adam having a go at Nicola. “Do you ever just stop and think before you open that big gob of yours?”

“Sorry didn’t mean anything by it. Was only trying to get him,” pointing at Robert, “to get his head back in the game and everyone can see Aaron’s the key to doing that.”

“Robert interrupted angrily, “Did you just refer to my husband as a key? What the hell did you say to him?” Nicola went to open her mouth but Robert interrupted her. “You know what I don’t care. I’m going to find my husband make sure he’s ok after just getting out of hell.” He started to run after Aaron hoping he couldn’t have gotten far. He turned back before he left the yard and shouted back, “Oh and I’m taking a period of leave, indefinitely.”


	29. The Bridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Robert find his fragile husband?

Robert felt so angry but he worked that anger into sprinting to find Aaron. He couldn’t believe the only time he had left him this had happened and now his unstable and fragile husband, who was still seriously injured, was upset and missing on his own. Robert tried to squash the panic that was increasing in himself when he couldn’t see Aaron anywhere. “Think Robert, think!” he muttered to himself. It clicked then, why hadn’t he thought of that place straight away. He didn’t even stop to think about it, he started running towards the bridge down at Butler’s. It was the place Aaron always retreated too when he was scared, angry, upset or stressed. He always said it was isolated, nobody could hear you scream or cry down there. Robert had found him there many a time during Gordon’s trial. This time wasn’t any different, he spotted Aaron sitting on the bridge, clearly exhausted from his rapid departure. Robert slowed down so he didn’t startle Aaron. Aaron didn’t even need to look up to know it was Robert, he always found him. Robert just sat down next to Aaron shoulder to shoulder, not saying anything just letting the sound of the stream calm his own anger and panic.

 

“Everybody just seems to see me the same.” Aaron broke the silence.

“What do you mean?” Robert enquired.

“All my life, I’ve been used in one way or another. But mainly I’ve been used for other people’s power and pleasure. This…” he moved his arm up and down gesturing at his body, “has been the property of others. I’m beginning to think that the only reason I’m on this Earth is for that purpose.” Robert listened horrified. There was no emotion in Aaron’s voice, he was completely defeated and it was terrifying to see. “What the hell did Nicola say to you Aaron for you to believe this?”

“It seems that it’s a good job I’m out of prison. I’m going to give you a good time and put a smile back on your face, then Nicola will be much happier because you will be back helping the business. I’d better do a better job with you though than the guy who gave me this black eye.” Aaron was completely monotone. Robert shaking with anger at Nicola and her sharp tongue. Robert thought him and Aaron had been getting somewhere making small steps but now, they were further back than where they started. Robert tried to ignore the voice in his head, ‘You were one of them, you used Aaron for sex to have a good time then left him’ but he wasn’t like the others he hadn’t forced Aaron and Aaron now was the centre of his world, his whole purpose in life was to protect him and make him happy.

“I don’t see you like that and there are people close to you that feel the same as me. You do put a smile on my face Aaron but not in the way other people think, and quite frankly that is nobody’s business, or how you are currently thinking. I smile when you smile. I smile when you laugh. I smile when you call me soft. I smile when you are sleeping next to me. I smile when you have fluffy hair. I smile when I catch you eating toast again. You always make me smile A, but most of all I smile because I realise just how lucky I am to be able to call you my husband. That you are mine and I get to build a life with this amazing person whom I love so very much and who I want to make a life with. I will spend my every breath proving to you how deserving you are of happiness and love. You do deserve to be happy Aaron. Please try to push away those self-depreciating thoughts and those thoughtless insignificant words that came out of a middle-aging bitter snake of a woman and focus on us and being happy together. Please?” Robert didn’t think he was going to get any response, he thought Aaron had shut off but to his relief Aaron nodded an ok and leant his head into Robert’s shoulder. Robert wrapped a comforting arm around Aaron just listening to the stream and the wind. He wasn’t stupid, Aaron had just placated Robert, Robert knew they had to ring the therapist for this one and get some advice. Robert for sure wouldn’t be letting Aaron out of his sight.


	30. Late Night Reading

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Robert and Aaron look for answers.

Robert had persuaded Aaron to come home with him and Aaron went straight to bed. Robert sat with him whilst he drifted off and then went downstairs to make a brew. He took it back up with him and sat at the desk looking at pages on Google on how to support a loved one through sexual assault and childhood trauma. He browsed some mental health sites as well. The internet not telling him much more than the leaflets he had got from the nurse. Robert was beginning to feel helpless.

 

Aaron remained asleep so Robert had climbed in beside him and drifted off into a restless sleep. He woke up, in the early hours of the morning, reaching across the bed to find it was cold to touch and empty. He had a burst of panic till he caught sight of Aaron sitting, as he had done earlier, on the laptop at the desk with the leaflets open next to it. He remained still just looking over at Aaron, till he jumped a little when Aaron suddenly said, “I know your awake Robert.”

“What are you doing up? Couldn’t sleep?” Robert said back.

“I woke up and just couldn’t nod back off, so I thought I’d make a start on this information the nurse gave me.” Aaron confessed. Robert crawled to the end of the bed.

“And what do you think, is there anything in them that you find useful?” Robert enquired with hope. Aaron looked down at the leaflets he had picked up and answered,

“Yeh a couple of things make sense I guess. The feelings I’ve got and the overanalysing of everything and everyone appears to be a normal response. It makes me think that I took what Nicola said too personally, read too much into it, rather than just letting it go or even being able to have a witty comeback like I would have done before prison. I don’t agree with what she said to me but she didn’t know and when I look at it… and after reading this stuff, I know that your words mean more to me. What you said is what I need to hold on to and listen to, nobody else. Thank you Robert. You have saved me so many times now and you saved me again today. You make me smile too and you do make me happy. Everything you’re doing for me,” and he pointed to the laptop, one of Robert’s bookmarked pages open on the screen, “it means more to me than you will ever know.” Robert just stared at Aaron in awe, his boy was doing it again, fighting back. He had tears in his eyes and a lump in his throat. A lump he struggled to speak past,

“Wow. You are just an amazing person Aaron. I was terrified that today had put you further back in your recovery and I felt so helpless, but here you are amazing me again with your strength and courage.” He choked a little on the last few words, partly caused by the relief he felt at this breakthrough. Aaron put the leaflets down and stood up from his chair. Robert’s eyes not leaving his husband’s as he strolled over to Robert and stood at the end of the bed. “Come here.” He simply said and Robert shuffled closer to Aaron. Aaron linked his fingers on his left hand between Robert’s and ran the fingers of his other hand along Robert’s jawline, brushing his thumb across his bottom lip. Robert breathed heavily, paralysed by the intimacy of this moment. Aaron’s hand slowly found its way to the back of Robert’s neck. His fingers pushing into the short, blonde hair. Aaron applied a little bit of pressure to bring his husband’s head closer to him and then he placed his lips against Robert’s. Moving them ever so slightly. Rob reacting and moving his own lips against Aaron’s. The kiss got a little more passionate as Aaron’s tongue slipped into Robert’s mouth, sliding tongue against tongue, finally tasting his husband. Rob held back letting Aaron lead. The kiss felt like it lasted forever but in reality it was no more than a minute. Aaron pulled back slightly out of breath, both leaning their foreheads together. “Not too much?” Robert whispered.

“No, just enough. Just perfect” Aaron whispered back.


	31. Life and Counselling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life continues to pass by but at Aaron's next session he wants answers.

The next week passed by fairly uneventfully. Robert had kept to his words shouted at Nicola and had not returned to work. Nicola had not been happy but Robert had put her firmly back in her place. Aaron had seen a few more people, Paddy with Leo, and Vic popping in for a chat and Adam came around for a few beers whilst the football was on. All these people knew more had happened to Aaron than they had been told but they were also aware of how Aaron would tell them when he was ready. Liv wasn’t blind either she noticed how he flinched sometimes from unexpected touches and had heard him screaming in the night. She tried to make things easier for them by going to school. On some nights she had even asked Aaron for help with her homework, much to his surprise but happy for a normal, everyday distraction. Aaron also felt a little calmer around the people he loved and would feel happy when he told his counsellor what he had achieved with his task.

The only person he hadn’t seen was his mum who was still in Prague but was desperate to get back to see him. Aaron wanted to see his mum and was initially excited when he got off the phone to her because she had told him three more days and she would be home. Robert had seen the conflict within him following the excitement after he hung up the phone. Aaron hadn’t noticed he was wearing his emotions on his face again whilst he was deep in thought. Robert had sat opposite him on the coffee table. “Don’t stress about your mum. You will be so happy to see her and you need her back here you know you do. And I know you, I know what you’re worried about. That she is going to know as soon as she looks at you. That she’s going to ask a million questions and hold you tight and never let go because that is how Chas is. But you don’t have to tell her if you’re not ready yet. She will understand. And if you do decide to tell her she will be there for you because she loves you. It will all be fine just look forward to seeing your mum again.” Robert had gotten everything right, he knew what Aaron was thinking straight away and had managed to persuade Aaron it would all be ok before he even had a chance to fall into a full blown panic about it.

Things had been ok between Robert and Aaron too. Rob was being supportive and distant when he needed to be. Aaron was feeling more comfortable with kissing Robert but had gotten frustrated sometimes because he hit an impenetrable wall each time he wanted a bit more of Robert. His husband was brilliant of course telling him to stop rushing things, reassuring him it was ok and that a kiss from his husband was more than enough for now. Aaron wasn’t so sure but left it for now because the truth was he did feel relieved.

 

The second counselling session came along. Robert accompanied him again and again waited outside the room. Inside Aaron told his therapist about his week. The good and the bad. Dr Joseph offering insight into some of his reactions. They made sense to Aaron but he didn’t feel it made it any easier. He asked Aaron about his support network and was pleased Aaron had achieved his first task. Aaron went very quiet which obviously didn’t go unnoticed by the doctor. “Something is troubling you, beyond the obvious reasons we are sitting here. Would you like to share?” Aaron looked embarrassed.

“It’s just…” Aaron hesitated.

“Go on, there’s nothing you can’t say to me in here,”

“Right. Well it’s Robert. He’s being so great about all this. He’s perfect and I’m worried I’m not giving him anything back in return.”

“Has he given you any indication that he needs anything in return?”

“No! He’s human though and sooner or later he’s going to get tired of all this and I just need to get back to how we were before all this.” Aaron sighed. The doctor took a minute.

“Aaron, there’s no magic fix for this. We need to repair your emotional wellbeing before you will feel you are ready to be with your husband again and from the interactions I have seen between the two of you there is obviously a lot of love there. From what you have told me Robert appears to be very understanding and just wants you happy again. Talk to him about your fears and find a way past them together.”

“And what if he can’t wait?” Aaron said fearfully.

“Well then that’s not something you can control. Focus on what you can control and use it to help you.” Aaron knew therapists sometimes talk like this but had learnt last time they usually made sense in the end. “To get back the intimacy you want is going to take time and so maybe we should start off slow. This week talk to Robert about your fears. Have yourselves a date night of your choosing. Having a date will mean you are just focussed on the both of you and your relationship. It will help you both to emotionally reconnect with each other. How far you decide to take the date night can only be decided by you Aaron, but I will advise you not to force yourself too far because that could cause you more harm. Just don’t think too much whilst on your date and follow your instinct.” Aaron felt a little more optimistic. He wasn’t actually expecting Dr Joseph to provide any answers to this worry he had but actually what he said was positive. Focus on them before trying for sex, because Aaron knew he just isn’t ready for that. But a date he could do and he would be giving something back to Robert. “Thank you.” He said.

“Of course, it is no problem after all it’s my job. So we have a task laid out for the week. Your all booked in for the same time next week, so I say we leave it on a positive note for today. Before you go though, I think Robert is an important part to your recovery because he is an important part of your life therefore have a think this week about possibly asking Robert to join us in our next session. It could be a healthy step for the both of you. It’s your choice though.” Aaron nodded his head and left with lots to think about but feeling like another weight had been taken from his shoulders.


	32. Will you go out with me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron has something to ask Robert.

All Robert had said as he greeted him was, “All ok?” Aaron smiled and replied,

“Yeh another good one, a new task and lots to put into practise.” Robert smiled back and took Aaron’s hand in his and walked out of the building back to the car.

Aaron hadn’t mentioned anything to Robert yet about his session with the doctor. He wanted to have things straight in his mind before he tried to put it all into words. It was a couple of days later, Robert had been looking for Aaron after he said he was only nipping upstairs to the toilet, but had actually been gone a while. He pushed the bedroom door ajar and could see Aaron sitting on the edge of the bed facing the window. Robert could see Aaron’s hands moving and knew immediately he was twisting his wedding ring. He was anxious about something and it worried Robert. He tapped gently on the door and walked in. “Are you ok Aaron?” He turned to face Robert and asked him to close the door and come and sit down. He took a seat next to Aaron on the bed. “What’s going on?” Aaron replied,

“I want to talk about my session the other day with you.” This was new Robert thought, Aaron had indicated he wouldn’t talk about his sessions unless he thought Robert needed to know and Robert respected that as long as their communication remained. “Most of the session was about my week, I told him about Nicola and my nightmares and stuff. He gave me some good advice for that stuff which I think I’m learning to put into practise.”

“Well I definitely think your nightmares have been less intense this week so I think something is working.” Robert reassured.

“But that wasn’t the only thing I spoke about.” Aaron continued. “I told him I was worried about you, or more precisely us.”

“Us? Why? We are doing ok aren’t we? Robert asked confused. Aaron looked and nodded his head vigorously.

“Yeh Robert we are, you’ve been amazing. It was more me I was worried about. Me not giving you anything back in return.” Aaron blushed.

“I thought we had spoken about this? I thought we had an understanding?” Robert said.

“I know we did. And we do have an understanding but it makes me feel useless that you are doing so much for me and not getting anything out of it. Your human Robert, you can’t keep it up like this.” Robert interrupted,

“But I am getting something out of it. I’m watching you get a little bit better and brighter each day and I’m thankful that I get to be a small part of your recovery.”

Aaron looked admiringly at Robert for his words and his selflessness. “Yeh well the therapist agreed we can’t rush back into sex, that I just wouldn’t cope with that. He suggested we take it one step at a time and I want to start that first step tonight.” Robert looked curiously at Aaron,

“What do you have in mind?” Aaron took hold of Robert’s hands and asked,

“Robert, will you come on a date with me tonight? I know it’s not something we have really done before, but I want some me and you time where we forget for a while everything that’s happened and just enjoy each other. Reconnect if you like without the dark cloud that’s threatening us all the time?” Robert felt himself blushing, Aaron had never asked him on a proper date before. He felt loved and appreciated in that moment and he agreed instantly,

“Yes Aaron I would love to go on a date!” he smiled.

“Great, I’ve booked us a table at that Italian place I know you like for 4 o’clock. Then I thought we could go to the cinema, nab the back row like a couple of teenagers! And then come back here for a beer. I’ve warned everyone to stay out of the way so we have the place to ourselves or we could just come up here. What do you think? Oh and I’m paying. No arguments.” Robert looked stunned, Aaron had thought of everything and worked it around his curfew and he was so grateful. He told Aaron he couldn’t wait to spend the night with him. Both now acting like giddy teenagers going on a first date. It was an adorable sight and one they would both remember when the dark times creeped in.


	33. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go on their date. Will it go how they want it too?

A sense of excitement surrounded the boys during the afternoon. Their bedroom and the bathroom were a mist of aftershave as they got themselves ready for their night together. Aaron drove to the restaurant. As they were shown to their seats Robert realised they were in a secluded booth in the corner. He looked at Aaron who shrugged and said, “Told you that I wanted you and me time.” Once they had ordered their food and drinks they both sat silently looking at each other. Both a little nervous and not understanding why. They were with their husband. Robert broke the silence, “This is really nice Aaron, you did good.” He leaned over and took hold of Aaron’s slightly shaky hand, which instantly relaxed at Robert’s touch. Robert asked Aaron if he had any films in mind for after dinner. Aaron nodded. The conversation flowed smoothly and comfortably after that. They laughed and joked and had a really good time together.

They decided on Logan in the cinema, Aaron knew how much Robert loved his comic book heroes! They bought a popcorn combo to share. As Aaron promised, he managed to get the back row. They snuggled down as close to each other as they could, hand in hand. The lights had dimmed so now they were hidden from view, not that the room was particularly busy. Rob really wanted to watch the film but allowed some time for a bit of kissing on the back row. He had become aware two thirds of the way into the film that Aaron’s hand had made its way further up his thigh and rested very close to his dick. It took all of his self-control to stop himself from reacting. Which proved very difficult when Aaron would gently squeeze and massage. The film ended and Rob couldn’t help but energetically tell Aaron what he thought of the film, explaining parts Aaron just did not get. His childlike nature was admired by Aaron all through the drive home. It was easy to listen to Robert be so animated about something. They pulled up behind the Woolpack and as Aaron killed the engine, Robert turned to Aaron. “Thank you for tonight, I enjoyed every part of it but mostly I just enjoyed being with my husband.” Aaron’s cheeks reddened at the compliment, “Well the nights not over yet, let’s go get some beers.” They headed inside and grabbed some bottles from the fridge, deciding they wanted to enjoy the remaining time of their date in their bedroom away from any possible interruptions.

 

They changed into comfys and settled on the bed with the TV on low in the background. Beers in hand they looked each other in the eye. “I love you.” Aaron whispered. “I love you too.” Robert replied. Their lips found each other’s, moving in sync against one another. Before it got too heated Robert pulled back, leaving his hand cupping Aaron’s cheek. Aaron looked at him confused, “Aaron, I just want to make sure you know I don’t expect this to go any further but I can’t promise my body will react the same. I loved the contact in the cinema but it took a lot to keep some self-control. I want you and you are so beautiful and hot. So what I’m trying to say is even if I do get hard I promise I won’t act on it until you’re ready. Ok?” Aaron looked down for a moment,

“You really do still want me after everything? I was worried you wouldn’t find me attractive anymore.” He said quietly. Robert’s heart sank.

“Of course I still find you attractive, bloody hell your gorgeous. I’ve just been trying to make sure you’re comfortable.”

“Thank you. It does make me feel safer knowing you won’t act on it. I trust you more than anyone Robert.” He smiled. He leant back into him to resume the kissing which became very passionate, quite quickly. There had been a subtle change. Aaron was no longer holding back. Robert had lost all self-control now, his dick now tenting in his sweats. Aaron could see how aroused Robert was but he was no longer scared. He pushed his hands up underneath Robert’s t-shirt. They began to shake as they touched Robert’s skin and he hated himself for it. His body still doing involuntary things. Robert took hold of his hands and nodded it was ok to stop but Aaron was being defiant. “No Rob, I want to see you. I want to feel you.” Robert was torn, so sat waiting for Aaron to make the next move. Aaron knelt up in the centre of the bed and signalled for Robert to do the same. He gently lifted Robert’s top up above his head and threw it to the floor. He kept his eyes on Robert’s but then allowed himself to take in his husband’s torso. He had missed this; he had briefly seen it in the shower but he was too distracted then to really notice him. He took in all the lines and curves and muscles he had missed. His eyes stopping once it reached his bullet scar. He reached out and traced the outline. Robert shuddered a little under the touch but remained focused on Aaron’s face checking for any panic or fear but there was none. Just recognition and belonging. Aaron’s hands became more confident as he traced gently over his husband’s chest. His fingertips brushing over his sensitive nipples. Robert felt his semi become a full hard on in an instant and hoped it wouldn’t make Aaron pull away. Aaron noticed the returning tent in Rob’s pants but he kept going. Once he had finished he kissed Robert gently on the lips as a thank you. Robert felt loved in that moment and he never thought his love could ever get stronger for Aaron but it had in those intimate moments together. As Aaron lay back down Robert went to retrieve his t-shirt but Aaron grabbed his arm, “Leave it off. I know you prefer to sleep without it anyway.”

“You sure?”

“Yeh I’m sure. Come here.” Robert settled down beside Aaron, understanding the huge step they had just taken. They had been sleeping in full clothing since Aaron’s homecoming. They snuggled up both of them enjoying feeling each other in their arms, some skin contact made it all the sweeter, and they drifted off peacefully, dreaming of their perfect date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to get more chapters up. There are some longer ones to come. I have been struggling to get across what I want this fic to say, so I'm doing some serious editing. Is it still as good or am I rambling? I feel like I'm rambling! Comments welcome :)


	34. The Results

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What kind of news will the boys receive and will they be able to work through it?

Things felt normal for the next few days. Familiarity filtered back into their lives. Chas had returned and hadn’t let Aaron go from her embrace. Aaron, with Robert right by his side, had told her about being beaten up and using drugs. Typical Chas style she had given him a stern telling off about those but had then returned quickly to the concerned mum. She knew something else was up but Robert warned her to leave it. She couldn’t believe she was listening to Robert Flaming Sugden but had to concede he did know Aaron better than anyone now and trusted he was there for everything Aaron needed. She kept an annoyingly close eye on her son but Aaron knew it was just because she cared and it helped him to feel safe.

 

Aaron did some work over at the Mill, starting to feel a little less helpless. He could spend small amounts of time away from Rob now as long as he was with somebody else he trusted. He couldn’t quite face being out of the pub alone yet. Rob was sleeping topless next to Aaron every night now and Aaron was comfortable with that. Aaron’s bruising on his torso was almost healed. He hoped he would soon build enough courage to discard his own top.

 

It was mid-afternoon, during the Easter holidays and Aaron was getting some painting done in the living room of their new house with Liv when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He fished it out, smiling, thinking that it was one of Rob’s half-hourly check-ups but as he glanced at the screen he saw the message was from the clinic. It all closed in on him like a pyroclastic cloud. It was instantly choking, tightening his chest so he couldn’t breathe, his eyesight was clouded over as he became dizzy, he was hot and sweaty, shaking in fear. He could just make out Liv’s panicked shouts of his name. When she got no response she instantly rang Robert explaining what had happened. Rob wasted no time at all, some would have said he was already outside he arrived so quickly, although completely out of breath. He found Aaron curled up on the floor against the wall, shaking and small like a terrified child. Liv was crouched next to him clearly out of her depth. “Do you know what might have triggered this Liv?” Robert asked cautiously.

She kept looking at Aaron but replied, “No not really, we were laughing at something and then he got a text message. Then when I turned around I found him like this. What’s wrong with him? Is he going to be ok?”

Robert put a reassuring hand on Liv’s shoulder and said, “Yes, he’s going to be fine. Sometimes he just struggles to cope with his feelings and this is a natural protection response from his body. Trust me he will come around once I talk to him and he will be back to his laughing and joking self. But Liv I’m gonna have to ask you to give us some space. He needs his privacy.” Robert quickly interjected when he saw Liv about to argue. “Please Liv?” She didn’t want to but said she would head back to the pub and wait for them.

 

Once Liv left and they were alone, Robert focussed on bringing Aaron back to him. Telling him all was ok and to concentrate on his voice. It took a while but Aaron eventually found his way back and he blinked into the present. He took a deep breath and then looked up at Robert. “I couldn’t control it this time, it just took over so quickly. Like a dark cloud was crushing me.” Aaron choked. Robert sat next to him, thankful this part of the wall was paint free. He thought it safe to place his arm around Aaron’s shoulders and he was right as Aaron snuggled in closer. “Are you going to tell me what brought this on? Just forty-five minutes ago you were fine. Aaron sighed and shakily took hold of his phone next to him where he had dropped it and handed it over to Robert. “I got a text from the clinic.” Aaron confessed. Robert’s heart spiked thinking Aaron had received the worst possible news. “Aaron, whatever it is, we will deal with it together.” Robert encouraged. Aaron realised that Robert wrongly thought he had already opened the message and got some bad news. He shook his head, “No Robert I haven’t opened it yet, just realising what it was paralysed me. I’m too terrified to take a look.” He confessed ashamedly. Robert kissed Aaron’s head and leant against him. “It’s ok to be scared Aaron. I’m scared too because I don’t want you to have to deal with anything else. You deserve a break Aaron. But whatever this text says we will cope and deal with it together. You ready?” Aaron took a deep breath and nodded. Robert unlocked the phone and hesitated just a little before opening the message. He scanned through it quickly, Aaron not able to look. “Well?” Aaron asked impatiently.

“Your all clear. Every test is clean. Just a reminder to go for another check-up in 6 months.” Aaron sagged in relief next to him, Robert embracing him in the tightest of hugs that lasted for ages. When they finally fell apart Aaron read the message himself, tears burning his eyes. “I really thought…” he stopped,

“I know baby, but it’s all fine, your physical health is all good. We are getting there babe, we really are.” He reaffirmed with enthusiasm.

“Come with me.” Aaron said quickly. Robert knew what he was talking about. His next therapy session. Aaron had told him that the doctor suggested he accompanied Aaron next time. Aaron had expressed his concerns about the pressure he would feel if he had Robert in with him and they both agreed that it was unnecessary pressure. Aaron hadn’t made a final decision but had said he would see how he felt about it on the day. Robert was more than fine by that, happy to be led by Aaron when it came to this. “Are you sure? I mean you thought it would be too much pressure.” Robert questioned.

“Yes Rob, I’m sure. We have just leapt over another hurdle, and I say that because _we_ are in this together,” Robert smiled at that because they truly were in this together, “I know which hurdle I want to beat next and you need to be fully a part of that and that means having a session with me. I’ve never been more sure Rob. Will you come in with me?” he asked hopefully, a new infusion of positivity flowing through his veins. “Of course I will, you know I will. In this till the end of time. Just promise one thing. Don’t try to jump this hurdle before you’re ready. Slow and steady… together?” Leaning his head against his husbands he whispered,

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Joint counselling coming up...


	35. Joint Counselling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert go to their first joint counselling session. Can they work through their intimacy problems?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has taken so long! Life really does get in the way and time just flies by!

They were both nervous sitting side by side on the sofa in Dr Joseph’s office. Aaron playing with his wedding ring and Robert tapping his knee up and down at a furious pace. Neither knew how this was going to go, what the doctor would ask. Whether he would tear through their relationship. The therapist finally sat down opposite them, finishing his secret observations whilst collecting his things together. He broke the silence, “The both of you are very nervous, relax. This session isn’t meant to be a test of any kind. It’s a stepping stone in helping Aaron to deal with the events that have happened to him throughout his life and to help both of you to get back to where you want to be. Life has thrown both of you a horror that nobody should have to deal with. And it has happened to both of you whether you recognise that or not.” Directing that more to Robert than Aaron knowing he would disagree with that assessment. “Your relationship is a huge part of both of your lives and is the key to getting to a place you are both happy with again. So should we get started?” He looked at them both with a smile.

 

Aaron started the session off by telling the doctor about his week, the good and the bad. He told him about his mum and his continuing nightmares. He listened to some of the things the doctor had to say about these then Aaron would continue. Robert was in awe at how natural this had become for Aaron and that he was so glad his husband had this safe place to come to. Robert hadn’t realised Aaron was now talking about their date night until he heard his name. Aaron was smiling and informing the doctor of the barriers they had crossed that night and how he felt more relaxed with the small amount of intimacy they had regained. The doctor asked if this was why they agreed to do this session together. Aaron’s demeanour dropped just the slightest amount but replied, “No. I wasn’t sure I wanted Robert here at first but I got my test results back the other day and I had a big panic attack. Robert was there for me again and we dealt with it together. They came back clear and it just seemed silly not to have Rob with me because he really is there for me. He’s dealing with this too and I want to help him as much as myself. I want to get back to the way we were and I think the only way to do that is together.” Rob just smiled at Aaron not looking at Dr Joseph until he asked him a question directly, “Do you feel the same way Robert?”

Robert nodded, “Yes I feel the same, I just want Aaron to be happy again. I don’t want his life to have to be ruled by his past because, well, he’s amazing and doesn’t deserve to be scared or unhappy.”

“And what about you?” the doctor asked.

“What about me?” Robert answered perplexed.

“Well this can’t be easy for you, your love for Aaron is very strong so to hear about what he’s been through and him struggling to cope must put a strain on you. You are having to deal with this too. So how are you feeling? And be honest, don’t worry about Aaron, the honesty is important here too.” Robert looked nervous, Aaron didn’t need to hear about his own struggles but when he looked over at Aaron there was encouragement and a look of hope that he would open up. He took a deep breath. “It’s been tough. When I first saw Aaron and heard about what he had been through I felt sick, scared and so angry. Angry he had to go through this and angry at myself for not being able to protect him. I want to help him through this but I’m gonna be honest I feel completely out of my depth. I don’t know the right things to do or say and it is exhausting at times. But I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I want my Aaron back with me, I miss him and I miss us and I will do whatever it takes for however long it takes to get back there.” He had tears threatening to break loose. He took hold of Aaron’s hand and gave it a squeeze. Aaron smiled back at him with a nod and then they both turned to Dr Joseph. “What you are feeling is completely normal. What is important is you don’t hide these feelings from Aaron just because you think you’re protecting him because it could damage your relationship further in the future. Talking is good and I am sure Aaron will agree with me.”

Aaron nodded and turned to Robert, “He’s right Robert, I know you have been struggling with this too and that’s made me worry more because I don’t know what you’re thinking. Don’t feel like you need to hide the way your feeling from me; I can handle it. I feel guilty I am the reason for your struggles but I feel even more guilty that you feel you can’t rely on me like I rely on you. I want to do the same for you as you do for me. Equals ok?” Robert seemed to release all this tension from his body and sagged with relief. “I can do that Aaron, you are my husband and I see now what you need from me.”

 

The doctor smiled and set about on a new topic. “Right now we have the communication sorted, I know that Aaron is struggling with the intimacy in your relationship as a direct result of what happened to him. Tell me what was your sex life like before?” Both boys blushed a little at this but Robert being like he is answered,

“Amazing, mind-blowing, passionate. It’s indescribable really.” Aaron just gave a nervous laugh.

“Would you agree with this Aaron?” the therapist asked.

“Yeh I would.” He returned in a quiet voice.

“So it is safe to say you both miss it?” Aaron answered first,

“Yeh I do miss it but I’m scared too.”

Rob continued, “Yes I miss it but I understand and I don’t want to seem like I am pushing Aaron because that isn’t what I want.” He sighed. “Sex before Aaron for me was just that, sex. A way to feel good.”

“But that’s not how you feel with Aaron?” the doctor pushed.

“No. Even when our relationship started as an affair there was something different. It’s like I was connected to him, like we were sharing something beyond understanding. Yes, we do things and make each other feel as good as possible but it’s in those moments there’s nobody else but the two of us and that’s what I miss from our sex life. Not the act itself but the connection I have with Aaron, it’s so much better than it just being something to feel good and I do want to be that close to him again.” Robert really had laid himself out bare and Aaron was so proud of him. He felt the same but could never articulate it to himself and it didn’t even cross his mind it was the same for Robert. Aaron found himself move a little closer to Robert. “I feel the same way, but I can’t find the words like Robert does to express myself, but I do want more than anything to get back there again. I just…” he hesitated, “don’t want to be with Robert and the images and memories of what those men did to me to taint what we have if they surface when we are intimate.”

“I can’t promise that that won’t happen Aaron, nobody can control the mind but the sex you appear to have with Robert is completely different to the acts that took place in prison. There was no emotional connection with those men, they just wanted the power they could take from raping you,” Aaron flinched so Robert held onto his hand tightly, “with Robert you are equals, you both want each other to feel good, you both want that strong emotional connection that making love brings. You have both built up familiarity and trust with each other now it is time to rely on that, use your instincts, communicate with each other during those intimate acts so nobody is pushed too far and Aaron you will find that you are no longer focussing on the act of sex but focussing on the man you are with and that should stop any of those thoughts you are scared of from creeping back in. Don’t rush, let things happen, become familiar with each other’s bodies again, some foreplay to help you relax. Have safe words for that bit of extra security. Aaron communicate any changes in sex that you have or no longer feel comfortable with. But most of all enjoy each other. There’s not much more I can say, it really is down to the two of you and I think if you both want to get there again you will do. Just don’t rush.” Both Aaron and Robert wanted to get out of there and talk it through just the two of them so they wrapped up the session. Aaron and Robert both with a task this week and with that they left silently hand in hand with their heads full of information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got a few more chapters written but I have come to a standstill on the chapter where Robron take their final steps to full intimacy! I don't know how to write it!!! Any advice?


	36. First Steps to Intimacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Aaron and Robert get home and discuss their counselling session?

All the way home there had been an electric silence between the spouses, a feeling of something more. They could both tell they had a lot to discuss and work through but that they might just be getting back to normal after that session. They knew they needed to wait until they were home and alone to talk through the last hour and that doing so whilst one of them was driving and not fully focussed on the discussion was unfair to them both. However, much to their dismay it didn’t quite go as planned. First Liv needed sorting out, then Chas, then Vic and Adam and the rest of the day continued with no break in sight for either of them. When finally, the night rolled around and they both collapsed onto their large, comfy bed they were both exhausted. It had only just turned nine but both boys felt like they had done a marathon.

 

They lay there in the dim light of their room, listening to the hum of activity below and the soft breathing escaping each of them, neither knowing how to start up this conversation now they had had to wait so long to have it. It was Robert who turned to face Aaron first, his head resting on his arm. “Aaron, I want to talk about this morning, do you?” Robert waited patiently, holding his breath. It took a moment but Aaron rolled to face Robert, mirroring his position.

“Yeh I want to talk about it too, so where do we start?” he whispered, nervously taking his bottom lip in between his teeth.

“How about we talk about what might trigger you? I mean its best we both know what you’re comfortable doing and not doing isn’t it? And at least if you know I know then it might make you feel safer. Plus, I will feel happier knowing that you are comfortable with what we are doing.” Robert rambled as Aaron cut in,

“Robert relax, stop rambling on. I think talking about triggers is a good idea. So let me tell you ok? And bear with me, I don’t find it easy talking about this stuff.” Robert nodded in acknowledgement but otherwise stayed quiet to let Aaron continue. “Right well, I don’t think I am going to be very comfortable with you being behind me, I’m going to need to see it is you, well because they were always behind me.” He lowered his head, shame overcoming him. Robert just gently lifted his head back up and whispered,

“Keep going, it’s fine.” So Aaron took a deep breath, “I know we sometimes liked being kinky before, like pinning me down and calling each other dirty names, but I can’t help but feel like that will make me feel dirty now and like I’m trapped. Even just the thought of hearing ‘good boy’ whilst we’re, you know, makes me all cold and shivery. I don’t think I can handle it.”

“That’s ok, I completely understand and I’m glad I know that. Is there anything else?” Robert enquired. Aaron thought for a moment then said,

“I don’t think there are any more obvious triggers but… I can’t be sure can I? I mean we haven’t tried anything yet so I’m sorry if I freak out or hurt you, I don’t want to hurt you.” Robert shushed him and took a hold of his hand,

“I know this isn’t going to be easy and there’s going to be times where it doesn’t happen like we want, but I’m not going anywhere. We will learn together as we go. Now I know the doctor said to have safe words, that it might make you feel more comfortable but Aaron, personally I don’t think we need them. If you tell me to stop then I will. No questions asked.” Robert looks at Aaron for his opinion.

“I agree Robert, I don’t need safe words, I trust that if I ask you to stop you will. There’s nobody I trust more than you. So no safe words for now. Maybe in the future when we get more adventurous again when I might say stop even when I don’t mean it but for now no safe words.”

“Ok agreed. I think we did quite well there, especially for two men who don’t talk about this stuff.” Robert chuckled lightly. Aaron smiled in response and then leant up carefully to kiss his husband’s lips.

 

As the kiss deepened Aaron let his hand wander up under Robert’s shirt. He decided he wanted to see more so set about opening his buttons. Robert lay back watching admiringly. He sat up and helped Aaron to push it off his shoulders before returning to lie on his back. Aaron lightly traced his fingers across his chest, stopping to pay each nipple some attention before lowering his hand across and down the blonde happy trail. His hand paused above the waistband. Robert knew it was a boundary he was struggling to cross. So he gently took Aaron’s hand in his, leant in for a soft, loving kiss and said, “Before we venture down south maybe we should just work on up here for a bit,” and he gestured with his head towards Aaron’s own t-shirt. Aaron was nervous about undressing but felt safe with Robert so nodded and lay back patiently. Robert leant up to get better access, always keeping his eyes locked on Aaron’s. He placed his hand onto his shoulder and gently made his way down. Softly caressing his husband’s skin through his clothing. He reached the hem and ran a single finger along the skin slightly exposed at the bottom. He felt the sudden tensing of muscles so moved in to distract Aaron with a kiss. It worked as now the t-shirt was rushed up towards the shoulders. Robert broke the kiss, reconnected his eyes with those familiar blue pools and lifted the top off. Robert was pleased to see Aaron had healed. There were no new cuts since his release.  He copied what Aaron had done to him, paying each nipple some attention and moving lower towards his pants. Robert took the chance to show how loved his husband was and slowly littered kisses over his torso. He gradually felt Aaron relax under his touch. Once he had finished worshipping his husband he lay back next to him heads together. Robert was harder than he had been in a while but release would just have to wait. He smiled at Aaron but it wasn’t returned. “Hey what’s up?” Robert asked concerned. “I thought you were enjoying it?”

“I am enjoying it Robert, but my body doesn’t seem to be reacting normally.” Robert looked confused,

“I don’t understand?”

“I have my gorgeous, half naked husband lay beside me, showering my body with love and I can’t get it up. I can see how much you are enjoying it but me… I’m just broken.” Aaron confessed dejectedly. Robert ran his hand through Aaron’s dark, fluffy hair. “You are not broken. This is the first time we have done this, it’s just the start and the fact we got this far is amazing. Both of us shirtless together, starting to re-explore each other’s bodies is more than we could have hoped for. Don’t try to force it, just feel it and your body will start to respond. It was responding under my touch then baby, trust me.” He pulled Aaron into his chest, both relishing in the skin on skin contact. Aaron returning some of the kisses to Robert’s chest. Both sighed contently. “Should we get some sleep A; it’s been an exhausting day?” Aaron reluctantly pulled himself away from his husband’s embrace to remove his jeans. He discarded them on the floor then got under the duvet. Robert raised one of his eyebrows and Aaron just smirked back. Robert mirrored Aaron’s actions then settled in next to his husband. Both almost fully undressed for the first time since their wedding night, snuggled comfortably together drifting into a peaceful night’s sleep.


	37. Second Steps to Intimacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Aaron break past his barriers and can Robert help him?

The next few days were much the same between the husbands, sweet kisses and light touches. They hadn’t ventured any further. Aaron was the one who was starting to get more frustrated than Robert that his body still wasn’t responding the way he wanted. He didn’t understand why because his breathing and heart rate spiked when his husband removed his clothing. Although, he hadn’t seen below the boxer shorts yet, maybe that was the next step he needed to take.

 

It was a rainy day outside when Robert and Aaron had decided to have a lazy afternoon together following their busy morning finishing off the Mill. They had bought in a load of treats, changed into comfy clothes and settled down on the sofa with their duvet in front of the TV in the backroom of the pub. Aaron, being exhausted from a restless night’s sleep, had drifted off lying on top of Robert’s chest. Robert cherished this time when Aaron was fully relaxed and that he could be that safe place for him. Rob continued to watch the film, softly rubbing soothing circles on his husband’s taut back under his t-shirt when it happened. Rob could feel Aaron becoming hard against his leg, he swiftly stopped his movements and waited to see what happened. Aaron started to become a little restless but in a good way, Rob realised he wasn’t having a nightmare, it seemed he was having a very good dream. He didn’t want to touch Aaron whilst he was unaware in his sleeping state so remained still, hoping he would wake up. It was a couple of minutes but Rob knew the minute Aaron woke up as he froze, not moving or breathing. “Aaron, it’s ok you’re safe, nothing will happen if you don’t want it to.” Robert reassured as if talking to a scared child. “Were you having a good dream?” Aaron peeked up through his eyelashes and nodded,

“Yeh you were in it.” Robert chuckled back,

“I’m very glad to hear that Mr Sugden.” He pressed his thigh lightly against Aaron’s arousal which much to his relief drew a moan from Aaron’s mouth. “Whatever you want baby.” And with that Aaron started to grind against Robert’s strong thigh, revelling in the feeling it brought against his hardness. Robert watched in awe as his fluffy haired boy got lost in his own passion, using Robert’s leg to get himself off. It was hot. Aaron’s movements became erratic and Robert knew he was close to his release when he suddenly moved so that he was lying directly on top of Robert. “You ok?” Robert asked.

“Yeh but I want us to cum together, now that I’m finally, ya know…” as his sentence trailed off he rolled his hips down so both members pushed against each other. Robert groaned at the feel of it, allowing Aaron to lead. It had been so long it didn’t take Rob long to get to the same point as Aaron. Their lips met momentarily and then they kept their lust filled eyes focussed on each other’s as they thrusted their cocks together, one, two, three more times before they both called out their husbands’ names.

“Oh god Robert!”

“Aaron!”

Both men having a quick but intense orgasm after so much time. Aaron collapsed half on top of Robert both panting as they came down. “That was…”

“Amazing!” Aaron finishing Rob’s sentence. “I’m a bit embarrassed though, getting off against your leg like some horny teenager.” His face turning even redder.

“Don’t be, if that’s what you needed and trust me it was hot! If you can’t do that with me, your husband, then when can you? How you feeling anyway?”

Aaron plastered a huge smile on his face as he replied, “Good. Really good. Like I’m a new person, it’s reassuring to know I can still perform. In fact…” smirking and raising his eyebrows, “Once this film has finished, I think we need a long soak in the bath to clean up the mess we have made.”

“Oh really?” Robert smirked back and he pulled Aaron in for a sweet, loving kiss.

~~~~~

Fortunately for both boys the film ended pretty quickly. They abandoned the sofa and made their way upstairs. Aaron’s anxiety had increased the closer he got to being naked with Rob, but this is what he’d wanted. Rob was running the bath, infusing it with plenty of bath soap whilst Aaron collected their towels and change of clothing from the bedroom. Aaron entered the bathroom and locked the door behind him just as Rob turned off the water. He turned and walked up to take the towels and clothing from Aaron to place them on the side. He silently took Aaron’s hand in his and led him part-way towards the bath. Rob started to draw up his own t-shirt but Aaron halted him, “Let me.” He continued where Robert had stopped and then ran his hands up and down his husband’s chest. Aaron leant in to place a kiss above Rob’s heart as the shirt fell to the floor. “My turn.” Rob took the hem of Aaron’s t-shirt and ran his fingers along Aaron’s skin as he lifted the t-shirt up. They gazed into each other’s eyes, silently communicating their love for one another. Aaron placed his hands on Robert’s hips and hooked his hands into the waistband of both his sweats and boxers. He kept his eyes concentrated on Robert as he slowly pushed them down passed Robert’s semi-arousal. They fell the rest of the way and Rob stepped out of them. Now standing fully naked in front of his husband for the first time since their wedding night. He waited for a moment, glad he was confident standing so open in front of Aaron, before he placed his hands onto his other half’s waistbands. He slowly pushed down and let them fall to the ground. Aaron wasn’t as comfortable as Rob, never had been, and he quickly covered himself. Robert’s heart sank seeing the vulnerability from his beautiful husband. “You are beautiful and so brave; you don’t have to hide from me. Your pace remember?” Aaron nodded and took courage from Robert, he finally looked down and took in all of his husband and he could feel himself start to get aroused. He removed his hands and showed all of himself to the gorgeous man in front of him. He took his hand and led him to the side of the bath. “You want me to be the small spoon?” Robert asked, showing Aaron he remembers everything he said to him about his triggers. Aaron was a little relieved Rob had remembered and nodded. Aaron stepped in first, sinking below the surface of the water, tingling from the heat of the water on his sensitised skin. Robert followed and settled down between Aaron’s legs, his back against Aaron’s chest. They both felt at home, even if a little squashed, with each other. “I’m looking forward to doing this more often in our house. I am so glad we opted for a much bigger bath tub than this.” Rob chuckled. Aaron laughed too, content with the current situation he found himself in. Aaron rubbed the bubbles into Robert’s skin and he massaged the soap into his hair in the hope it would make Rob needy. It did. He started to moan and move his hips. Aaron peered over to see Robert’s erection protruding above the water, a small amount of pre-cum leaking onto his stomach. Months without sex had made Robert’s hard-ons painfully hard. Aaron wanted to fix that. He whispered into his husband’s ear, “Touch yourself, go on. I want to see you pleasure yourself.” Robert just moaned and took himself in hand. He started off slowly, twisting his hand every other time. He could feel Aaron hard against his back, obviously turned on from his little show. He carried on until he heard, “Let me take over, I can’t wait to feel you.” Rob turned his head to look straight into Aaron’s eyes. “You sure?” Aaron bit his lip in hesitation but then nodded slowly. He took Robert’s cock in his hand and started to tease the head, then worked down and up the shaft familiarising himself with the feel of his husband, he fell into an old rhythm remembering what he liked. Rob was writhing, enjoying his husband’s rough hands on him once again. It didn’t take long until he was seeing stars and moaning his boy’s name over and over as Aaron stroked him through his orgasm and kissed the sensitive spot behind his ear. “Wow! I haven’t cum like that for a while. Thank you baby.” He kissed Aaron softly on the lips. “Would you like me to take care of that for you?” His eyes slid down to look at Aaron’s own erection. “Just say stop if it’s too much.” Robert reassured. Aaron replied,

“Please, try.” So Robert turned fully to face his husband, who had gripped both sides of the bath in anticipation and maybe a little fear. He gently gripped Aaron’s shaft which caused his hips to thrust upwards. Rob kept his eyes on Aaron, trying to show Aaron how much he is loved. He worked Aaron’s cock the way he knew Aaron liked it, their eyes locked. Aaron panted, “I want to cum but I can’t…” Robert stroked Aaron’s jawline lovingly, mesmerised by blue pools staring wildly back at him,

“You can baby, when you’re ready. Just feel it, don’t think. I love you.” The declaration of love was all Aaron needed and he came violently over Robert’s hand, his body convulsing through an incredibly intense orgasm. Robert stroked him through it and then held him waiting for him to come down. They lay together for a little while longer, until the water became cold and they reluctantly pulled apart. They dried comfortably in silence, wrapping their towels around their waists. Aaron found his way into Robert’s strong arms, “Thank you Rob, I love you so much.”

“I love you too A.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am currently writting what I think will be the last chapter, not entirely sure yet! Not sure when I will be uploading because it is taking me a while. Comments are always motivation though!!


	38. Reclaimed!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally take that step.

After two, quite intense, orgasms they both felt incredibly wrung out and tired. So tired they both fell asleep cuddling each other, still wrapped in their towels, disregarding the change of clothing in the bathroom. It was early morning, 3:15am to be precise, when Aaron stirred awake feeling a mix of relaxed and craving another release. He realised his towel had come loose as had his husband’s. He threw the towels to the floor and gently kissed his husband awake.

Robert started to moan at the feel of soft lips against his. He deepened the kiss as he woke up and rolled into his husband. They were both on their sides facing each other, their erections brushing against each other’s, hands roaming up and down their sides, feeling their skin heat up under their touch. Aaron littered kisses up Robert’s jawline as Robert threw his head back. “I want this Robert.” Their eyes met and Robert could see the trust behind his husband’s eyes and he knew he was ready. He took both their cocks into his hand and pleasure radiated through them. Aaron bit at his lower lip at the feel of Robert working them both. He crashed their lips together, tongues and teeth clashing in his haste. Rob tried to slow it down, “Aaron, there’s no rush, lets enjoy this, take it slow.” He tried to search his husband’s eyes but they were closed like he was battling with himself. “Ok, I just don’t want time to think, I just want to get there. With you.” Rob smiled at him,

“Babe, there won’t be any chance to think except about how good you feel, trust me!” as he wiggled his eyebrows. Aaron laughed and shook his head,

”Ego Mr Dingle.”

“Truth Mr Sugden!” and he took Aaron’s lips against his in a slow, sensual kiss. He lay Aaron carefully onto his back and ran his hands up and down Aaron’s chest. He placed a kiss on each of the scars there, which made Aaron shudder. He flicked at Aaron’s nipples with his tongue and sucked them into his mouth as they hardened. Aaron moaned incoherently as Robert worked his tongue lower. He brushed his nose through the dark, fluffy happy trail and felt Aaron’s muscles tighten, “Let me love you.” Robert whispered against Aaron’s skin. Aaron gripped the duvet at the feel and sound of those words and then felt Robert’s warm, wet mouth around the tip of his leaking cock. It felt heavenly, like he had never experienced this before. He had of course, Robert had become quite practiced giving head on Aaron over the years. Robert slowly took all of Aaron down to the back of his throat and then back up to the tip. He repeated this action over and over adding his hand to the base of Aaron’s shaft. Aaron was writhing under the pleasure he was receiving from his husband’s mouth and hands. “Rob, Rob, I’m gonna cum… I… I don’t want to yet.” Aaron pleaded. Robert paused for a second gripping the base of his husband’s dick to stow off any release. He leant back up and gave Aaron a small peck on the lips, “You ok?” he checked. Aaron couldn’t answer he just nodded.

 

Robert returned to his position between Aaron’s legs. He sucked Aaron’s balls into his mouth then trailed his tongue down under to Aaron’s puckered hole. He parted his cheeks and licked at Aaron’s entrance with his tongue, getting it as wet as he could. Robert had missed the taste of his husband. It had been far too long. Usually the more Robert played with Aaron’s arse the more relaxed it became but Aaron was tensing more and more as Robert tried to breach the ring of tight muscle with the tip of his tongue. Robert realised something wasn’t right and that Aaron wasn’t ready yet. He brought himself up to look and the sight he saw broke his heart. Aaron had scrunched up his face tight like he was in pain. He had drawn blood from biting his bottom lip so hard and his nails were digging into his hands from balling up his fists so tightly. He quickly took his place next to Aaron, and took his face into the palms of his hands. “Aaron, baby it’s ok, look at me.”

“I’m sorry.” Aaron didn’t know what else to say. Still cupping his face, Rob stroked his cheek,

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. I don’t want to keep trying and end up hurting you” He paused a second, “Erm I have an idea.” Aaron finally looked at him,

“What idea?” a hint of hope in his voice, “Because I really want this I just don’t know how.”

“Well, how about I bottom first?” Robert suggested and for the first time he, himself felt a little vulnerable. Aaron just kept his eyes on him, a mix of surprise, curiosity and admiration on his face. He brought his hand up to cup his husband’s face, “You would do that for me? I mean I know we tried once before and you didn’t really like it. It’s not something we have gone back to since.” And it was true, they had tried when Robert hadn’t fully accepted who he was and it didn’t work out for them that time but the truth was Robert was curious about how it felt and had been building the courage to mention it to Aaron for a while. He and Aaron had ventured as far as the pinkie finger but Aaron had never pushed beyond that. “I know but I didn’t really know who I was then and well the truth is since we got engaged I’ve wanted to take that step with you. I trust you more than anyone Aaron and I want you to do this with me. If you want to that is. We don’t have to right now. You can have a think about it.”

“Robert of course I want this, I just never wanted to force you to make that decision, I hoped one day you would try but it was never something I would push. Are you sure?”

“Yeh, if you are?”

“Let’s try.” Aaron agreed.

 

Aaron made his way down Robert’s body, littering his torso with sweet kisses. He nuzzled into the blonde happy trail and after a slight hesitation took Robert into his mouth. He pressed his tongue flat against the underside of Robert’s shaft, just how he likes it, then flicked his tongue over the head, lapping up the pre-offerings his husband was giving to him. Now Robert was thrusting under Aaron’s touch and Aaron was instantly turned on. His flaccid cock filling instantly back to a throbbing hard on once again. He teased the head as he twisted his hand, Rob mumbling trying to keep the noise down. Aaron pulls his mouth off with an obscene pop then slides his hands up Robert’s thighs, slow and soft. “Alright?” Aaron checks then places a kiss on the inside of his leg, dangerously close to his balls.

“Yes” is all he gets out of Robert. He retrieves a pillow and positions it under Robert’s delicious ass. He sucks on his own fingers making sure they are sufficiently wet, Robert almost combusted at the sight. Aaron disappeared back down and slowly pushes his finger into his husband’s hole to the first knuckle. He adds his tongue making it wetter. Robert clamped around Aaron’s finger. He waited a moment for the release and then started to move his digit slowly in and out. He found his prostrate and curled his finger, Robert thrusting his hips out at the shock, “Aaron!” he pants. Aaron adds a second finger, finding more resistance from the rings of muscle. He moves slowly, occasionally scissoring his fingers making Rob moan and grind down. “More Aaron… please!” he begs. Aaron could see his thighs shaking, his cock thick and red against his stomach it had grown that much, leaking pre-cum onto the flushed skin beneath his fluffy, blonde trail. Robert protested when Aaron pulled his fingers free to reach for their lube from the top drawer of the bedside cabinet. “Patience baby, I don’t want to hurt you, we need this before I add another finger.” Rob nodded knowing this to be true just wishing Aaron would speed up. He was relieved to see Aaron fully into this, no trace of the earlier fear, just lust and concentration on making this right for Rob. Being in charge suited him. Before he knew it Aaron was buried three lubed fingers deep, brushing the small bundle of nerves and rubbing the smooth walls of his arse. The pleasure was immense. “Aaron now, please I’m gonna cum and I want you inside me!” His back starting to arch and thighs clenching. Aaron reached up for a kiss then took the small foil packet. Rob grabbed his arm, “No. We do this skin on skin.” There was a look of horror on Aaron’s face,

“Are you sure Rob, I mean…”

“Of course I’m sure. You’re clean, I’m clean. We didn’t use them before. I want all of you, no barriers.” He smiled reassuringly then added quickly, “But of course only if it’s what you’re comfortable with?” Aaron looked relieved,

“Well yeh it is just didn’t think you’d want to after…” and before he could finish Robert claimed his mouth in a searing kiss. “Make love to me.” Robert whispered. Aaron quickly lubed his aching cock and added more to Robert’s slightly swollen hole. He leaned over his husband, face to face, his cock jerking at his entrance. They joined their hands and he pushed the tip in. Robert clamped down, feeling the pain and burn. Aaron went to pull out, “Rob I…”

“No don’t, just stay. I’m good.”

“Okay, maybe just push out a bit for me.” Aaron advised as he slowly pushed further in until he was balls deep, as far as he could go. He felt amazing, it was the first time in a long time Aaron had topped and he felt loved that Robert trusted him to do this. Robert nodded, a signal to his husband to move, he slowly pulled out then pushed back in. Robert’s heat and tight walls making it difficult not to come. “I love you” he panted.

“I love you too” and with their hands entwined and their foreheads touching, gazing at each other, Aaron rolled his hips making love to his husband. Nobody and nothing else existed in this moment, just them together in a bubble of love and affection. Their lips met and moved together mirroring their bodies. Then Aaron stopped. Robert looked panicked, “Aaron?”

Aaron stared into the green pools, a soft look on his face, “I want to flip, I want you to make love to me too. Reclaim me Robert Dingle.” Robert didn’t need to say anything else, they had broken their barriers. They both had tears that threatened to escape as Aaron lay under Robert, lifted his legs for Rob to press his finger into Aaron’s waiting hole. There was some resistance at first but that soon disappeared as Aaron relaxed into the touch. Robert worked him open, occasionally teasing his prostrate but not wanting to push him over too soon. “No condom?” Robert checked and Aaron loved him for it,

“No Condom, just us.” Robert balanced his body over Aaron’s, laying his elbows either side of his face, not wanted Aaron to feel trapped or pinned down. He could feel Aaron’s ring flexing against the head of his cock. They locked eyes as he pushed in. Aaron felt the usual burn but focussed on his own advice and pushed out. Soon Robert was flush against his arse cheeks and Aaron was smiling back up at him. “Move Rob, I don’t think either of us will last much longer. Move!” he begged. His husband took up the same pace as he did, sensual hip rolling which became more erratic the closer to release he got. “Oh god Aaron, I’m so close!” his head fell back as Aaron reached up, his hand curling around his sweat soaked neck, fingers pushing into his hair. He pulled his head back down to look at him. Aaron was moving in time with him, “Come inside me Rob, reclaim me!” and as Rob’s orgasm hit with tremendous power, Aaron felt he was Rob’s again, he could feel the hot, sticky cum fill him. He kissed him through his orgasm, holding his own back with all of his power. As Robert stopped shaking and came down, he realised Aaron was still hard, he went to take him in hand, not wanting Aaron to miss out but he was stopped. “I want to do the same to you. I want to claim your first time, he smiled nervously. Robert’s spent cock made a pathetic attempt to reignite at those words. Aaron swapped their positions and pushed slowly into Robert’s loosened hole, it only took a couple of thrusts, and Robert’s whispered words, “Claim me Aaron Sugden!” And he found his release, incoherently babbling something about Robert, he blacked out from the force of his orgasm, collapsing onto his husband. Rob stroked his back hoping he would come around quickly as he felt Aaron’s softening cock followed by his hot, white cum seeping from his used hole, slip out of him. He started to worry when Aaron didn’t come around, he lay him down carefully, repeating his name, “Aaron. Aaron. You with me? Come back to me baby.” Aaron stirred and opened his eyes. He wasn’t panicked or scared he was happy, sated and lovingly staring at his husband. No words needed saying they just stayed cuddled in each other’s arms and waited for sleep to take them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I think this is the end! If people think it could go somewhere else let me know.   
> Any prompts for other fics, let me know too! Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed it.


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